Malcolm: Help me get her in the car, ray! 帮我把她弄上车，Ray
Ray: Okay, but this bitch heavy as hell, cuz! 行，这娘们儿怎么那么沉啊，哥们
Ray: Let me finger gangbang her at least, homie! 怎么着也得让我上下摸一遍吧，兄弟
Malcolm: Just help me get her to the hospital! 你赶紧帮我把她送医院吧！
Ray: Okay, one finger then! Malcolm: Ray! 行，那就只摸一下 Ray！
Ray: All right, but we ain't goin' inside, homie. 不摸了，但进不了医院大门，兄弟
We gonna go around the emergency loop, 我们就从急救室路过
roll her ass out like we do all the homies 直接一扔把她甩到门口，就跟扔别的
that get shot in the hood, homie. 中枪的哥们一样
Why you snuff her fine ass anyway, homie? I wanted to bone, cuz. 你为什么要闻她的大肥屁股啊，兄弟？ 我也要占点便宜
She was possessed, ray! Possessed? 她被上身了，Ray！ 上身？
Possessed like head spinnin' around 被上的头晕脑涨
vomitin' everywhere, possessed? 到处乱吐的那种上身？
Or like possessed like kanye 还是明星被狗仔偷拍急了
when you take a picture of him? 要上来揍人的那种上身
Just drive like you got warrants, please! 赶紧开车！就好比有警察要抓你，行不行！
Nigga, I do got warrants! 黑哥们儿，法院确实给我发传票了要抓我
Look! These right here! Jaywalkin'! 看，就在这呢 闯红灯
For eating grapes in the grocery store without payin' for 'em! 在超市里偷吃葡萄不给钱
Shavin' my dog's balls in public. 公共场合给狗剃阴毛
Drivin' with my hands off the wheel, cuz. 开车时双手离开方向盘
I be ghost-ridin' my whip, cuz. 我当时是在比划骑马舞，哥们儿 我就是喜欢那一段
还有因为和我妈发生口角，但这得怨她惹我了，哥们儿
Ray-ray, I think she's waking. All right, here! Take this Ray, Ray，我觉得她要醒了 行，给你，拿着这个
and pistol-whip her with the butt of the gun. 拿枪把砸她
I'm not pistol-whippin' my girlfriend! 我不砸我女朋友！
All right, nigga, well, you drive and I'll pistol-whip that bitch! 你不砸你就过来开车 我砸这娘们儿
谁也别砸！
Kisha, resist! Kish, 挺住！
你没挺住!
I've seen you for the bitch that you are, Malcolm. 我知道你干的缺德事，Malcolm
What's she talkin' about, homie? Booty pirates! 她说什么呢，兄弟 电影台词
Nothing, she's possessed, man. That's right, you fucker! 没什么，她这是被上身了 是啊，你这混蛋
He's a ghostbuster! 他是捉鬼的
That sound real suspect back there, homie. 听着有猫腻啊，哥们儿
Was you in juvie, cuz? 你是不是进过劳教所？
If you don't cry, you ain't no bitch in there, homie. 如果你没哭过， 事就不算缺德
I didn't cry. Doodles on they dick. Joke's on them, cuz. 我当初就没哭，我在别人鸡鸡上涂鸦了 就是闹着玩，兄弟
By the powers vested to me, 力量加身于我
that somebody gave me while I was locked up... 受于斯，困于昔日……
Who are you? It's father Williams, homie. 这是谁？ 这是father williams的rap啊，哥们
She do a mean impression of that nigga, cuz. 她学的不像那黑哥们
I do a mean impression of the Butler. Check it. 我学的也不怎么像，听着
"I'm here for the boss. I'm here to serve the boss." 我来这一切为了领导，我来这为了领导的一切
Who are you? I'm forest Whitaker, homie. 这是谁？ 我这是forest whitaker啊哥们儿
From the movie that's like the help, 电影《帮助》里的
but he didn't doo-doo in the pie, homie. 但他没在馅饼里掺屎
Ray, I'm not talkin' to you! I'm talkin' to Kisha. Ray，我没跟你说话，我跟Kisha说的
Are you gonna let that bitch choke you out, cuz? 你就任凭这娘们儿掐死你是吗，哥们
You a bitch, homie... 你真差劲
Get the fuck off me! 滚到一边去！
Kisha! Kisha!
Oh, shit, she breathed in my face, homie. 妈的，她哈气都哈到我脸上了
I'll get the bird flu, it's contagious... 要得禽流感，特别容易传染……
She blacked out, ray. 她晕过去了，Ray
Get us to the hospital. Hurry! 赶紧去医院！快点！
说话！Ray? Ray?
Oh, shit! 他妈的
Oh, my God! Kisha? Kisha! 天哪，Kisha? Kisha!
Ray?
Ray!
It's a good thing I drank that hennessy earlier. 多亏之前轩尼诗喝高了
I can't feel shit, homie! 现在感觉不到疼，哥们儿
I think Kisha's dead. 我看Kisha好像死了
Good! Let's get the fuck outta here, homie! 太好了！赶紧他妈的出去吧
Listen. We were never here. 听好，我们没有在现场过
I'm with you, cuz. All right. Deuces! 我跟你一边的，哥们 好的，翻到第二篇了！
We ghost hunters! 我们是驱魔人！
Malcolm: I don't know about this place, baby. 这房子我吃不准
Megan: You've said that about every house we looked at. 我们看的所有房子你得这么说
There's just something creepy about this place, like... 感觉有点怪怪的，比如
Give me the heebie-jeebies... 总让我神经紧张
Like somethin' bad happened in here. 好像这以前出过事似的
Well, I love it. And I love you. 我反正喜欢这，也喜欢你
There you go, bribin' me with vagina. Whatever works. 你说中点子，一用身体引诱什么都好说了
Know when I'm weak. 知道我弱点在哪
Disgusting. 恶心
Oh, it's disgusting when we do it, 是吗，我们这样就恶心
but when you kissing the whole entire sophomore class, 你跟你全年级男生都有过
it's cool, huh? 就不恶心了是吧
Give me that damn camera, you little gnat! 给我这破相机，你这小兔崽子
Oh, finger. Real creative. Wow. 哦，竖中指了，太有创意了，真好
Megan: Cut her some slack. 别跟她没完没了了
She's just goin' through a phase. 她现在正是叛逆期
Malcolm: Yeah, a phase. It's called "whore." 是啊，叛逆期，其实就是乱搞
Look at that. Last a lifetime. Malcolm, stop! 你看看，一辈子都得这样了 闭嘴吧
Malcolm: No, see, that's a phase. 不行，你看那才叫叛逆
Megan: Looks like he met an imaginary friend. 看着好像他遇到了一个幻想中的朋友
It's normal. 很正常
What you doin' there, buddy? 你干什么呢，哥们儿？
Want to help me load some boxes? 帮我搬搬箱子好吗？
Cool! All right. My man! 没问题！ 好的，小男子汉！
Sorry, Malcolm. I can't. 对不起，Malcolm，不能帮了
Malcolm: Why not? 怎么不能？
Tony says, "aw, hell no! 因为Tony说了，“没门，我不跟你似的，当过黑奴”
Is it me or does his imaginary friend sound black? 是我太敏感，还是他这幻想朋友确实腔调像黑人？
Pretty progressive. 关系还是挺有进展的
Megan: Why don't you and your friend go play? 你跟你的朋友去玩好吗？
Okay. 好的
That game sounds like fun! 这游戏感觉很有意思！
Malcolm: Oh! 哦！
I don't like the tripping game, Tony. 我不喜欢绊人玩，Tony。
Look at all that sexy. Come here. Give me a kiss. 看看这性感身段，来亲个吧
Let's piss off your forefathers. 让我们惹毛你的祖上们
Malcolm, it's 2013. Interracial relationships are not a big deal anymore. 都2013年了，跨种族恋爱不是什么大事了
Yeah, you tell that to the sistas. 没错，你跟我姐妹们这么说吧
You know, they be like, "I know he didn't!" 她们会说，“不会吧！”
"He did not kiss that pasty ass white bitch!" Pasty? “他对白人那又白又松的屁股下不了手” 又白又松？
"Yes! Not with them old thin ass lips. “对啊！嘴唇还那么薄”
"Look at them, look like baloney slices!" “看看这嘴唇，细的跟切片的腊肠似的”
"Uh-uh. See he straight scrippin' “啊哈，他真是有毛病了”
"and it don't make no damn sense." “根本没有任何意义”
Come here, shiloh junior. 来来，西少爷
There's my baby boy. 我的宝贝
Megan: (Chuckles) I still can't believe 我还是不明白你怎么
you named our dog shiloh junior. 把狗叫西洛少爷
Well, I was gonna name him shiloh two or shiloh the sequel, 这，我本来是想叫西洛老二或者西洛后辈
but he wouldn't answer to those, so, shiloh junior it is. 但它不答应那两个名字，就西洛少爷了
C'mon! Hey, come on, shiloh junior. 来吧，西洛少爷
Hey, babe, are you gettin' this? 宝贝，录上了吗？
your obsession with all these cameras. 真不明白你怎么这么喜欢摄像头
Hey, you can never have too many cameras, okay? 嘿，摄像头永远不嫌多好吗？
Hey, shiloh! Come on, baby. 嘿，西洛，过来
You ready to go see your new house, shiloh junior? 准备好看新家了吗，西洛少爷？
Come on, shiloh junior. Shiloh junior! Hey, get inside. 来吧，西洛少爷，进来
Don't make me put bass in my voice. 别逼我降低单调啊
Hey! Shiloh! 嘿，西洛
God, I don't know what's wrong with him. 老天，不知道他这是怎么了
Oh, fucking... 唉哟，我去……
Oh, shit! Oh, breathe! 妈的！ 啊，快喘气！
Come on, shiloh! Don't go towards the light! 别这样，西洛，别顺着光走！
Call 9-1-1. 打911！
Tell 'em the dog is white! Tell 'em the dog is white! 告诉他们这是白毛狗！ 告诉他们这是白毛狗！
Oh, God. I got a pulse. 哦，天哪，有脉博了
Breathe! Shiloh, like this. 喘气，西洛，像这样
Fuck! Oh, my back! Oh, my fuckin' back! 我操，我的后背，他妈的后背
Please, help me! 求你了，帮下忙！
My fuckin' dog is a pancake! 他妈的我的狗成煎饼了！
Get me a goddamn pump! 给我拿个气管子！
It's working! Come on! 有用了，快点！
Meet me at the hospital! 到医院找我！
The hospital's that way! 医院在那边
Malcolm: So young, never had a chance to lick his balls. 这么小的狗，还没能舔到过自己的蛋蛋
I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm good. 我没事，我挺好的
You know, I'm just so happy I got to spend time with... 我特别开心能有这么一段时光和……
It's just every time I try and say the name... (Sobs) 就是每次想起狗的名字……
Shiloh! 西洛！
Oh, God, it hurts! Oh, God! 天哪，太伤心了，天哪
It's tingly in... 痛在心里……
天哪
I'm goin' with you! Oh, God! It's time to go bye-bye. 我跟你一块走吧！天哪，是时候永别了！
西洛
Junior. (Spits) 少爷!
I bet you could put a whole lot of birth control in that. 我保证你能放很多安全套在里面
I really hate you. 我真的很讨厌你
That's what your daddy said. That's why the nigga gone. 你老爹也是这么对你说的，所以那家伙消失了
What've you got there? 这里面有什么？
Just an old box that I found in the basement. 只是在地下室找到的一个旧盒子
Don't you think we should return it to the prior owners? 你不觉得我们应该还给原房主吗？
If they wanted it, they would've taken it 他们要是想要早就拿走了
in the first place. Ooh. (Sighs) 在他们搬家的时候
Okay, look, Becky, I'm not your dad. 其实，Becky，我不是你老爸
I'm just the guy that's like... your mom. 我只是你的……像你的老妈
So I'll make you a deal. I'll let you keep the box 所以我跟你商量个事，我让你留着这盒子
if you promise to try and make this work between me and you, okay? 你得保证咱俩之间努力相处好，行吗？
It's for your mom. Fine. 为了你妈妈 行
I think we're gettin' somewhere. 我觉得我们有进展了
I'm just messin' with you, bro. 我跟你扯淡呢，哥们儿
Oh, shit! 唉哟，我去
I just do that when I'm talkin' to negritos. It's all good. 我只是跟黑棍说话的时候才这样，没什么
Did he just call me a nigger? What's goin' on, bro? 他是不是刚才叫了我黑鬼？ 怎么了，哥们儿？
I just moved in with my girl right here 我刚跟我女友搬到这
and we was just wonderin' Megan: Hi. 我们只是想知道能不能也给我们干点杂活
Are you serious? Dude, I live here, puto! It's my house! 你真这么想？我也是住这的，这是我的房子！
Oh, shit! I'm sorry. Megan: Oh, my God. 我去！对不起 哦，天哪
I just assumed... You got the gloves and the hat, 我只是觉得，你戴着草帽，手套
and the lawnmower and the truck. 割草机，卡车
Oh, 'cause I'm Mexican I must be Jose! Are you? 是吗，因为我是墨西哥面孔的？我名字肯定是Jose对吧？ 是Jose吗？
No, fool! My name is Miguel! 当然不是了，蠢货！ 我名字是Miguel！
Is that your truck? 那是你的卡车吗？
Yeah, that's my truck! Malcolm: Then who's Jose? 是啊，是我的！ 那Jose是谁？
That's my middle name. You wanna guess my last name? 那是我的中间名，你猜我姓什么？
No, no, no. Oh, come on. 算了，算了 别呀，猜猜
You guys are here, you might as well. 你得站这说法了，猜一下试试嘛
I don't know. Rodriguez? 我哪知道，Rodriguez？
That's racist, bro. 这算是种族歧视，哥们儿
You asked... Did he ask me or what? 你让我猜了……他到底让没让我猜？
I'm just fuckin' with you! 我跟你扯淡呢！
For the record, my name is Miguel Jose Jesus Gonzalez... 以后记住了，我名字是Miguel Jose Jesus Gonzalez...
Smith.
Wait, wait, wait. Megan: What? 等等 什么
Your last name is Smith? 你姓Smith?
Yeah, I'm Mexican on my mom's side. 是啊，我妈那边是墨西哥的
So, why is there Gonzalez on your truck? 那……为什么你卡车上写的是Gonzalez？
Shit, would you trust your garden to a guy named Smith? 我去，我作为一个给人整理园子的叫Smith能有人请我吗？
Hey, my name is Malcolm, bro. 嘿，我名字是Malcolm，哥们儿 好
I bet your last name is Johnson. 我打赌你姓Johnson
See, that's some racist shit! 你看，这是种族歧视的狗屁东西
Am I right? But you're right! 我猜对了吗？ 但你确实对了
Nice to meet you, man. Yeah, it's a pleasure meeting you! 很高兴认识你 是啊，认识你也很高兴
Megan: Nice to meet you. Tuesdays. I can cut your grass on Tuesdays. 你好 每星期二，能给你安排割草
What can I say, I'm a gardener by ethnic default. 我怎么说叫，我还真是个干活的，种族设定好的
Watch out, guera! (Laughing) 注意安全，guera
Malcolm: Hey. What? 嘿，怎么了
You gon' try and tease a brother? 你这是挑逗人呢
That's an invite? 在邀请我吗？
One, two, 一，二，完了
What's that? What? 这是什么？ 什么？
Oh! That's Abigail. Ew. 哦，这是个女佣玩偶
I found her in the wardrobe that was left here. 衣柜里找到的
Yeah, well, put it back. 行，放回去吧
Hey, stop! She's creepy! 别这样，这东西吓人
We look alike. Yeah, same eyes and pigtails. 我们长得像吧 是啊，眼睛和马尾辫
Wait, no, no, don't put it on the bed! 等等，别扔床上
Hey. 嘿
How you doin'? 干什么呢
You ain't gonna say nothin', huh? 你什么也说不出来是吧
你个笨蛋
You don't want none of this? Come here. 你不想这样是吧，来吧
Oh, I can't play with it but you can. 我不能跟你玩，但你能跟我玩
You gonna bite my lip? Take that! 想咬我嘴唇？试试这个
You fuckin' like this! 你就他妈喜欢这样
Uh-huh. It was gonna come. 哈，就要来了是吧
It was gonna come! 就要来了
Just wanna put the tip in. I'm gonna put the tip in... 想要小费吧，我给你塞这
Ah! Ahh! Ahh! 啊啊啊
Look at that. Mmm. Uh-huh. 看看，嗯，看看
Mmm, yeah.
You got that goody. Bite the pillow, bite that fuckin' pillow. 你有料啊，咬着枕头
You gonna eat my butt now. Oh, shit! 吃我屁股吧
Nigga, she... She lickin' that. 她舔呢哪
You taste like doo-doo. But I love it! 你闻着真像屎，可是我喜欢
You on the pill? I don't want to get you pregnant. 吃药了吗，我可不想出事
You wanna make little doll babies? 想生小玩偶吗？
They gonna have my eyes with your eyes... 生出来眼睛像你又像我
Oh, you gonna give me splinters! 你就快把我夹碎了
Fuck this shit. I wanna cry! It feels so... 我嘞个去，想哭了，感觉真是……
Don't look. Don't look. Hold on a second. 别看，别看，等会
This side is wet with soap, this one is dry. 这面又湿又滑，这面干的
I mighta leaked in you I don't know if I came, I leaked a little bit. 好像流了点，不知道是不是
That's all right. You ain't even ovulatin'. 没事，挺安全
Why you trippin'? Come on, stop worrying. 没事，不用担心
Megan: Honey, we're home! Oh, shit! You gotta go! 宝贝，我们到家了！ 我去，你得走了！
Shit! No! Megan: Malcolm! 靠，别啊！ Malcolm！
Hi, honey! Um... 嗨，宝贝，呃……
Megan: Hey, where are you? 嘿，你在哪呢？
You gotta go! We... I'm just upstairs! 你得走了！ 我在楼上
You gotta get outta here. 你赶紧出去吧
Fuck! 靠
Ah! Shit! 妈的
（以下模仿恐怖电影《险恶》）
Mmm.
"Hanging out." 一起玩
Sounds a little soft for my taste, but... fuck it. 感觉有点太娘不合我口，不过……去他的吧
Yeah, I don't think this is right. 嗯，我觉得好像没弄对
Maybe I should download the manual. 还是下载个说明书吧
Great. Get up here. 太好了，上去吧
Can't breathe. Can't breathe. 喘不上气了，喘不上气了
Cut the camera. Turn the camera off. 关了摄像机，关了
I seen some shit, but that was... That was crazy! 我看了什么狗屁玩意，太疯狂了
A demonic figure tried to hang a family in the backyard. 一个鬼一般的身影，试图把一家子吊死在后院里
I gotta keep this from Megan and the kids. 不能让Megan和孩子们知道
Is it weird that I was aroused by this? 我看这个看硬了，会不会很诡异？
Why is my dick bending in my jeans? 为什么我的鸡鸡被牛仔裤挤弯了
Hello? Hello? 喂？喂？
Twinkle, twinkle little star 一闪一闪亮晶晶
who is this? Hello! 谁啊，喂!
It's a nigger. 我是个黑鬼
Malcolm: Oh, that's a ugly motherfucker. 哦，真他妈丑
Is that Steven Tyler? 这是Steven Tyler?
What the hell? Same tree! 他妈的怎么回事，同一棵树
Shit! Kisha? 我操，Kisha?
Megan, what you doing? I almost dumped the fuck out you! Megan，干嘛呢，差点被你吓出屎来
You got to holler at me! You can't just be walkin' up. 你得出声啊，不能就这么走过来
You gotta give me like a "whoop-ti-whoo," a "kakow!" Or a "tsh-tsh"! 你得喊点“喔嘀喔”，或者“靠哦”或者“嗤嗤”
Just make your own up. Please announce yourself! 你自己琢磨一下出来，记得要出声！
Honey, you look like you've seen a ghost. 宝贝，你好像见到鬼了似的
I think I did. 我觉得是见到了
Wait. So now I look like a ghost. 等等，这么说我像鬼？
Excuse me, where you goin' with this? 对不起，你没有啊
So now I'm too pasty for you? 现你看我又白又松了是吧？
Malcolm, I can't do anything about that! What do you mean? 我这样我也没办法啊 你什么意思……
Unless you want me to get skin cancer from the sun. 除非你让我太阳晒多了得皮肤癌
And deep nasty wrinkles, and then they'll have to give me chemo 再加上恶心的皱纹，然后要接受化疗
and I'll lose all my hair, and then I'll look like a nasty bald raisin! 然后就没了头发，然后就看着像恶心的葡萄干了
Is that what you want? Is that what you want? 你想这样是吧？
No! I don't want you to look like a raisin! 没有！我不想你像葡萄干
I don't like the raisin! I don't like to date raisins! 我不喜欢葡萄干，不想和葡萄干在一起
I don't like the raisins on Morgan Freeman's face! 我不喜欢摩根福里曼脸上那种葡萄干
I just don't like raisins. 我就是不喜欢葡萄干
I don't like the new ones that Obama got, 我也不喜欢奥巴马脸上
the young raisins on his face! 新长的那个小葡萄干
I don't like raisins. 我不去葡萄干
So please, don't look like a raisin. 所以求你了，别变成葡萄干
I need to go meditate and get my chi back in alignment. 我得去治一下了，把我的五官摆正了
What chi? You were just... 摆什么正……
Ah! Ahh! 啊！啊！
Walk to the light! It's bedtime. 快来亮的地方，要睡觉了
What you all dressed up for? 你怎么又穿好衣服了？
We goin' to a club? Mmm-mmm. 要去酒吧吗
Foam party? No. 泡泡浴聚会？ 不
We goin' to a pajama jammy jam? Just bed. 去睡衣舞会？ 去床上
You gotta be more comfortable with this relationship... 在恋爱里你得让自己舒服
You're right. Put on some sweat pants and some... 你是对的。 就穿个秋裤什么的……
Oh, my Jesus lord! Um, you're naked! 额滴神哪，你脱光了！
I am. Oh, wow. 是啊。 啊哟
I like being naked, though. I could be naked all day. 但我喜欢光着，我能整天都光着
All day? But come on, that's not practical, hon. 整天？不实际啊，宝
You don't wanna be on the bus naked or in Starbucks naked. 你不会想光屁股坐公交或者坐星巴克的
Why not? 'Cause that coffee spill on you, it's hot! 为什么不呢？ 因为咖啡要是洒身上了会烫着啊！
It's gonna leave a scar. 最后留个疤
Melt one of your nipples off or somethin'. 还能把乳头什么的烫掉了
Hey, hey, hey. 嘿，嘿，
The camera's on, baby. 摄像头还开着呢
Good. Just make sure you film my good side. 正好，把我拍的好看一点
What the fuck? Are you serious? 我去，真的吗？
We gonna get all angles on that... oh, shit. 我们得拍下各个角度，哦，我去
Baby, your creepy doll is makin' my dick scared. 宝贝，你那吓人的玩偶吓到我鸡鸡了
Just let her watch. 让她看着吧
You just said the right type of nasty shit! 你说的正是现在需要的催情话
I gotta replenish my fluids. 我得补充下体液了
After round two. 等第二轮之后吧
That was wild. Megan: Come on, Malcolm. 太狂野了 来吧，Malcolm
aren't you done yet? 你有完没完了？
I am now. Ready for round three? Seriously... 我完了，第三轮？ 真的吗？
Baby, you gotta train for some shit like this! 宝贝，你……你肯定是练过的
Come on, Malcolm, bell's ringing. 来嘛，又打铃了
Time for round four. 该第四轮了
No, no, baby. My ding-ding is knocked out cold. 别了，别了，我的丁丁已经彻底被击倒了
I can't do it. 做不来了
Corner's throwin' in the towel! 扔白毛巾认输了
Let's go, Malcolm. 来吧，Malcolm
I gotta get some enswell if we keep goin'! 再继续我就得来点药了
Malcolm. Wait, no, baby! Malcolm 宝贝，手下留情
Right now she is tearin' me up! 刚才，她要把我弄死了
Oh, my God! 哦，天哪
Aw!
Want me to choke you? 要我掐你吗
Is that what you like? Huh? Huh? 想这样吗？嗯？
Stop being a bitch! 别这么扫兴
Yeah! Come on! 耶，来吧
Oh! You want some of this? 哦，你来点这个吧
You like that? It's kind of like a blindfold 喜欢吗，像眼罩似的
except you can't fuckin' breathe! Huh? Are you crying? 除了不能呼吸之外，你哭了？
That thing just moved! 那东西动了一下
Megan: Except you can't fuckin' breathe! 除了不能呼吸之外
Thing was watching! 这东西在扭着看
You little... Who was watching? 你个小……谁在看？
Oh, baby, come here. Check this out! 宝贝，快来，看这个
Oh, my God! 哦，天哪
Did you see it? 看见了吧
How could I not? I thought I was trippin'! 怎么没看见 我还以为我看错了
I am so fat! Look at me! 我真胖！看看！
I look like a huge blubber ass! 屁股跟气球似的
I'm like miss piggy in there! 我跟猪妖似的！
What're you talking about? 你在说什么呢？
You said you were gonna shoot my good side. 你说要拍好看点
I did shoot your good side. 我拍好看了啊
Look, I got all that ass up in... 我把屁股拍的
Look at all that ass, girl. 看看这屁股
I'm black, brothers like an ass. 我是黑人，黑人就喜欢屁股
You know I do mean that as a compliment, right? 你知道这是好话对吧？
You hate my vagina! You think it's too loose! 我知道了，你讨厌我的两腿之间！ 嫌太松了！
It's not! It's only on the outside, 不是啊，只是外面这样
but once you choose a wall, it's pretty damn tight. 但在里面碰壁的时候，很他妈的紧
You know what, Malcolm, I have had two kids! 你知道吗，我有两个孩子！
I mean, do you think the stork just dropped 'em off 你以为孩子是直接掉出来
on the doorstep? 掉到台阶上是吗
No! You're knocked up for nine months 不！ 你大了9个月肚子
and then your lady parts are stretched to limits 然后又被撑到极限
you cannot even fathom! 撑到，量都量不出来多大
Okay, baby. I think your vagina's cute. 好吧，宝贝，我觉得你那很好
Erase the tape or we are never having sex again. 删了这段，要不以后再也别想做
Well, since you put it that way. Erase the tape! 行吧，到这个份上 删了！
Okay, I'm erasin' the tape! I want to see you do it. 好，删着了 我要看着删
I'm erasing the tape. I'm erasing it. Erase it right now! Do it! 删着了，正在删 立刻删，马上删
It's erasing. Baby, I like the way it sounds. Erase the tape! 删了，宝贝。 我喜欢你那里发出的声响
It's not loose! I like the way it sounds! 不松，我喜欢那声响
Sound like a blown speaker. Just... 就像个棕色的喇叭，就像……
You know, it's kinda like Doug e. Fresh's beatbox. 就跟……跟Doug e. Fresh的打击乐似的
“When I'm hittin' it.”
Mmm...
Who the hell's hittin' me? Abigail? (Gasps) 谁跟我打招呼了？ 女佣玩偶？
You got a page? 你还有个页面？
"In a relationship with Malcolm Johnson"? 我在恋爱中，和Malcolm Johnson？
I only hit it once! 27,000 views? 我只做过一次啊！ 27000次浏览！
What in the hell? 这是什么东西
I think I might've fucked the wrong bitch. 我是干了不该干的人啊
Now she's blowin' up my cell phone? Look at that. 现在她还打爆我手机了，你看看
Straight up stalker! She's crazy! 绝对的跟踪狂，她是个疯子
Listen, it's time to turn my camera game up a level. 听着，是时候把我的摄像机布置提高一个等级了
I'm talkin' bathrooms, countertops, computers, 我要装满浴室，厨房台面，电脑
stuffed animals, mouths and asses! 毛绒玩具，嘴和屁眼
It's goin' down everywhere! I'm gonna live. 要布满每一个角落！ 我要活！
Kitchen? Oh, yeah, I see you. 厨房？好，看到了
Uh-huh. Perfect. Yeah, and I got the ass, too. 嗯，非常好，屁眼也能塞了
All inconspicuous. 所有隐蔽处
Told you, cameras everywhere. 说过了，每一个角落
Hey, Becky, wanna play hide and clap? 嘿，Becky，想玩拍手捉迷藏吗？
Becky: Fuck off! 滚开！
That's, "no, thank you." 她是说，不了，谢谢
Let's do this. Oh, lady's blindfold. 我们玩吧，哦，女士遮眼布
You got this out your momma's room, right? 从你妈房间拿的是吗？
Oh, boy. Things me and your momma do with this! 哦，小子，我跟你妈用这东西干的事啊
Sometimes she ties my hands and flip me over and toss that... salad. 有时候她绑着我，翻过来，再使出……沙拉
Tony likes salad. Anyway. Tony沙拉喜欢 不管怎么说吧
I'll put this on. Let's do it! 我戴上，一块玩吧
One, two, three. First clap! 一，二，三，第一次拍手
（以下模仿恐怖电影《招魂》）
Come on. Give me a clap. 再来拍一次
Okay.
Yeah, I'm gettin' close. I smell you. I smell you. 好的，我就快找到了，闻到了，闻到了
You smell like kids, like worms, coins，and doo-doo. Like... 你闻着像孩子，像虫子，像硬币，像大便，像……
Can we just play tag next time? I just wanna play tag. 能下次只玩捉迷藏吗，我只想玩不蒙眼的
Wyatt? Wyatt?
Where you at, you little shit? 在哪呢，你个小鬼？
Third clap. 第三次拍手
A-ha! 哈！
I got you, Wyatt. 抓到了
I win! You took your blindfold off. 我赢了，你把布摘了
You're right, Tony. Malcolm is an idiot. 你说对了Tony，Malcolm是个笨蛋
Take your camera, loser. 拿着你的摄像机，手下败将
Yeah, I wanna learn how to start a fire. 是啊，我想学怎么放火
What the hell was that? 那这是什么狗屁东西？
I coulda swore... 就是这里啊……
Shit! 我操！
Fucked you up! 去你妈的！
Fuck, are you crazy? You know who the fuck I is? 我去，你疯了吗？你知道我是谁吗？
Malcolm! 宝贝？
Oh, my God! 哦，天哪
You can't be jumpin' out on brothers like that. 你不能就这么跳出来啊
You'll get knocked the fuck out every time. 这样你每次都要被揍
It was supposed to be a joke! You okay? 本来就是开个玩笑折 你还好吗？
'Cause I fucked you up! 我打得可他妈狠了
Like, I hit you with the force, like with the follow-through. 我打的时候用上力了，用上了全身发力
I wanna instant replay that shit. Damn! 我得马上回放那一拳
'Cause you got froze. You went... 因为你立刻被打蒙了，接着就……
"Please help me." 请帮我
God, I hope this works. 希望管用吧
What is that thing? 这是什么
That is not human. 这不是人
That was weird. 太奇怪了
A-ha! 哈！
I caught your ass! 抓到你个王八蛋了！
No, you didn't. 没抓到
Oh, shit! 我靠
Male voice: Becky... It's your box. Becky，你的盒子
What? 什么
I want you to touch me. 我要你摸我
Mmm.
Okay.
Not that box. 不是那个盒子
You know I love you and those kids, right? Yeah. 你知道我爱你和那俩孩子吧 是
And I'm gonna do everything in my power to keep you guys protected. 我会尽我所能保护你们
Yeah. 是
What was that? What? 那是什么 什么
That! The wind? 那个！ 风吹的？
Nigga, the windows are closed! Okay? 窗户都穿着呢好吧？
I'm tellin' you, that was either a ghost or a demon. 我跟你说吧，不是鬼就是魔
Or maybe it was a demon pregnant with a ghost. 或者是个怀着鬼的魔
Oh, this is cute! 哦，真好看！
I will so wear this, all day, every day. 我要每天都整天戴着
Why the fuck are you excited? It's a burglar! 有贼！ 有贼你高兴什么，贼啊！
Either way it goes, it's some scary shit! 不管是什么贼，都非常吓人！
Okay, not all burglars are scary. 好吧，不是每种贼都吓人
It is a burglar or a ghost! If you talk to him, he'll leave. 不是贼就是鬼！ 你跟他说说，他会走开的
You shoot it in the face! If you talk to him, he'll leave. 你直接冲他脑袋开枪 你说一下他就会走
And if the motherfucker's foot do this, you shoot him in the face again! 如果刚才是混蛋毛贼的脚跺的声道，你再冲他脑袋开一枪
That is way too harsh. What're you gonna do? 你这太狠了 你接下来要做什么？
I know what I'm gonna do. What're you gonna do? 我知道我要做什么 你要做什么？
You are not allowed to shoot anyone in the face, mister! 你不能开枪打人脑袋！
Becky?
What in the... Becky! Oh, God! 这里面……哦，天哪
Becky! Becky!
Megan! 天哪
Get me somethin', Megan! Becky! 给我拿家伙来
That shit's gross. That fuckin' sound, it bothers me. 真他妈恶心，这动静，太恶心了
Gimme!
Oh!
That's all I got! Okay, gimme! 只有这个了 OK，给我
Get that thing outta here! I got an idea! 给我扔了这个！ 我有办法了！
Come on! Bitch, why ain't you movin'? Fuck! 来吧，混蛋，怎么不动了，靠！
See, now this is a good idea. 看，这是个好办法
All right. Goodnight, Becky. 好了，晚安
Megan: Night, sweetheart. 晚安，宝贝
Malcolm: Hey, buddy, what you doin'? 小伙，干什么呢
Havin' a tea party. Oh. 过家家喝茶呢 哦
You wanna go outside and do somethin' a little bit more masculine? 要不要去外面干点更男子汉的事？
Like play some football? No, not really. 比如玩玩球？ 不怎么想
Hey, don't sit there! That's Tony's seat! 嘿，别坐那！那是Tony的座
Malcolm: Oh, sorry. 对不起
My bad, Tony. 是我不好，Tony
Tony says, "no problem, bee-yotch." Want some tea? Tony说了没关系，要茶吗?
Uh... yeah. Sure. 来点吧
Um, you know, Wyatt, about your little buddy, Tony. 嗯，你的小伙伴，Tony
I don't think he's such a good influence on you, know what I mean? 我觉得他对你影响不好，你懂吗？
What the...That's straight vodka! Tony calls it tea. 这……这完全是白酒啊！ Tony管这个叫茶
He drinks a lot of tea. 他平时喝很多茶
I really think you guys need to stop this friendship. 我真觉得你们应该别来往了
Tony doesn't think that's such a good idea. Tony觉得这不好
You know what, you tell Tony 你告诉Tony
that I said you and him ain't gonna be friends no more, and that's final! 我说了你跟他不能做朋友了，就这样了！
On second thought, you and Tony have a beautiful friendship. 我又想通了，你和Tony的友谊非常珍贵
Okay, I'll be downstairs doin' somethin' with less spooky shit. (Screams) 行了，我要下楼了，做点不那么诡异事情去
This isn't good. It's happening again. 这不是好事，又出现了
It's really fuckin' happening. 真他妈的出现了
Malcolm: What the fuck? 我擦的嘞
Who is it? 谁啊
Hello? 有人吗？
That's a spooky knock. 这门敲的真诡异
Oh, you better run! 好吧，你最好跑远点
Knock on my door, come out there and slap you... 敢敲我的门玩，你过来我扇死你……
What the fuck! 我操！
I got a knife! 我有刀啊！
What the... 什么……
"Miss me?" Abigail! 想我了吗？女佣玩偶
Oh, hell no! Look, we gotta talk. 不会吧！我们得谈谈了
This is a mistake, okay? This shit gotta stop. It's gone too far. 这是个错误，不能继续了，已经太远了
You see this? "Miss me?" In the house with Megan, are you fuckin' crazy? 看见吗？想我了吗？在Megan住的房子，你疯了吗？
I take full responsibility, all right? This is my bad. 我的责任，好吗，是我不好
I don't mean to sound cliched. It's not you, it's me. 我不想说俗套话，但是，不是因为是，因为我
Don't play fuckin' innocent with me, 别装无辜
you knew I had a girl! 你知道我有女友了！
I'm just being selfish right now. 我刚刚太自私了
I would love to have you and Megan and... 我很想拥有你，还有Megan，还有……
To be honest with you, my stuffed animals. 实话实说还有我的毛绒玩具
I'd like to bring them in the mix. 我想把它们也带进来找乐子
I'm tryin' to make this work. 我在想办法实现这些
You're just not makin' it easy. 你却让事情更难办了
I swear to... ah! Fuck! 我发誓……啊！操蛋！
You see what you made me do? Only you do this to me! 你看你逼的我，只有你这么逼我
Fuckin' crazy! Oh, you lucky my momma told me don't hit bitches! 太扯了！哦，你庆幸吧，庆幸我妈妈教我别打娘们儿！
Fuckin' yeah, bitch. 你妈的这就对了，混蛋
True enough. (Laughing) 够投入了
Fuck, you scare my...I didn't touch you! I didn't touch you! 操，你吓着我了，我没碰你！我没碰你！
You get outta my life, I'll get outta yours. I'm done. 你得从我这消失，我会从你那消失 我消失了
Make no mistake. 别误会
After this, it's over. 干完这次就真结束了
You ready to go again? Yeah. 你准备好再来一次了吗？好耶
Hello, Malcolm? 你好，Malcolm
Hey, hey, Professor wilde, how you doing? 嘿，Wilde教授，你怎么样？
Malcolm, I'm glad you reached out. Malcolm，我很高兴你主动找了我
What exactly am I dealing with here? 我到底面对的是什么东西？
Well, the being you described to me 这，根据你的描述
is a demon. 是一种鬼
Malcolm: Fuck, I knew it! 操，我就知道！
A rare and obscure one 一种非常罕见，冷门的鬼
from babylonian times named aghoul. 从巴比伦王国时期被叫做aghoul
And he's a trickster! 这东西很狡诈
And chances are this is not your first encounter with this demon. 很可能这不是你第一次遇到鬼了
Have you had paranormal experiences in your past? 你过去有过超自然的经历吧？
Actually, yeah. About a year ago. 没错，确实，大概一年前
This is way worse than I had thought... 这比我想象的要糟糕多了
Oh, shit! Oh, fuck! 我去！ 操！
啊！
Nigga, I thought somebody was shootin'! Thai food! 哥们儿，我还以为有人开枪了呢 吃泰国菜吃的
It's spicy going in, but it's twice as spicy going out! 进去的时候是辣的，出来的时候变两倍辣了！
That's scientifically impossible! 在科学上不可能啊！
I smell you in here! What in the hell? 我怎么在这都闻到你了！ 真他妈臭
Ah, excuse me. 不好意思
I hire based on skill level. 我招人都是因为业务水平强
Are those titties? 那些都是乳房吧？
we're making meth, not baby aspirin. 女士们，记住我们是做冰毒的，不是做阿斯匹林
All the stories revolve around aghoul's attempts 关于aghoul的所有故事中，他总是
to trick people into bringing him into our world 冲人下手，骗得被带进人间的机会
and it can come through the form of a possession, 有时通过上身这种形式
a spirit that only a child can see 有时是一个只有孩子能看到的魂魄
or an ancient object that lures in the impressionable. 有时是变成一个古老的物件引诱容易上钩的人
So what you're saying is, something is coming after me and my family. 就是说有东西冲着我和家人来？
Malcolm, that's exactly what I'm saying. 没错，我就是这意思
Damn it, Jessica, you've got your tit in the pseudoephedrine! 他妈的，Jessica，你把你的胸都浸到麻黄碱里了！
Sorry, Malcolm. I wish you good luck. 对不起，Malcolm，祝你好运吧
Gotta get my breaking bad on. 我要继续当绝命毒师去了
Aghoul: (Laughs) Tonight you drown. 今晚淹死你们
Not again. 又来了
Sink. Sink. Sink. 沉下去，沉下去
Ruined a perfectly good leather jacket! 这么好的皮夹克被你毁了！
That's it. (Laughing) Now we drown. Drown! 这就对了，现在淹你，淹死你！
Drown! 淹死你！
Prepare to meet hell. 准备好下地狱吧
Ow! God, that hurt! 啊！疼啊！
My balls. This isn't over! 我的蛋，我跟你没完
Malcolm: Is aghoul the same demon aghoul是不是和那个
that possessed Kisha? 上了Kisha身的鬼是同一个？
When are the Republicans gonna slip 什么时候共和党会说错嘴
and call Obama the n-word? 把奥巴马叫成黑鬼
When are they gonna stop makin' scary movies without the wayans? 什么时候他们不再用韦恩斯来导演恐怖片了
They fuckin' suck! 他们真他妈傻逼
Malcolm: What the hell? 又他妈的怎么了？
What the heck... 我就操了……
Steroids, bitch! 打了兴奋剂了，敢惹我！
You messed with the wrong nigga today! 你惹错人了今天！
Megan: Oh, my God! 哦，天哪！
Baby, put it down! What are you doing? 宝贝，快放下，你在干什么？
I come in the hallway, this fuckin' creepy box 我到门厅这来，有这么个诡异的箱子
with some weird fuckin' lighting on it! 里面还有诡异的东西闪光
And I knew that it was death in the box! So I killed it! 我知道这是要我命的东西，所以我先把它弄死了
Baby, it was a gift! 宝贝，这是个礼物！
But it ain't Christmas. 圣诞节都还没到啊
Megan: Baby, no. Kwanzaa? 不是吧，宝贝，现在是宽扎节？
You were so upset when shiloh junior died 你在西洛少爷死的时候那么伤心
that the kids and I thought we would get you... 孩子们和我就想给你……
Becky: Don't look. Don't look. 别往里看，别往里看
Oh, my God! Wyatt, go upstairs. Go to your room! 哦，天哪！Wyatt，上楼，回屋去！
I killed a baby. 我杀了个幼崽
I think it's still breathing. 我觉得它还有气
You're so fucking crazy. 你真是太疯狂了
He's still breathing. 它还喘气呢
I gotta take him out of his misery. 我得帮它解除痛苦
I gotta kill him! Megan: Oh, my God! 我要彻底弄死它 哦，天哪！
No! Malcolm! 别啊！
Becky?
Yoo-hoo. 哟吼
All right, let's see what's in this box now. 行了，现在看看这盒子里到底有什么
Yeah. 对
Wow! That is rancid. 真难闻
What the hell are you doing? Nothing. Just, uh... 你在干什么？ 没什么，就是……
You know your pillows have blue faces on 'em? 你知道你的枕头上有蓝色的小脸吗？
Stay away from my box! 别碰到我的盒子！
Calm down! Would you calm down? 冷静，先冷静行吗？
I don't wanna calm down, I want you to stay away from my box! 我不冷静，我要你离我盒子远点
Do you have to say "box" so loud? What is going on in here? 你必须得这么大声说盒子是吗？ 怎么了这是？
Nothing. We just, uh, playin'. 没什么，我们玩呢
Dolls 'n stuff. (Inhales) 布娃娃什么的
Malcolm came into my room and touched my box. Malcolm进我房间摸了我的盒子
Malcolm, is this true? Malcolm，是这么回事吗？
Yes, but I only touched it for like two seconds. 是，但我只摸了也就两秒钟吧
It was stinking! Like, it was rancid! 而且非常臭，好像腐烂了
Here, smell this. I don't know how she play with that! 给你，闻这个，不知道她怎么玩的
He had two fingers in my tight little box, mom. 他把两根手指头塞到了我的又小又紧致的盒子里，妈
Stop lyin'. It is... (Scoffs) 别瞎说了，本来……
Baby, there's nothin' tight about her box. 宝贝，她那盒子没什么紧致的
It's fuckin' huge! I could put my whole fist in it. 特别大！我都能把拳头放进去
Like, I almost was up to here for a second. It's crazy big. 都能差不多伸这么多进去了，非常之大
You said, "no means no!" And that is exactly what I said. I said, "no!" 你说过，说不是就不是，我就是这么说的，不是！
Time the fuck out. Hold up. 你该别说了，等等
She's trying to dateline special a nigga! 她在给一个黑人使诈啊！
Where's Chris Hansen? Chris! Chris! Chris Hansen在哪？Chris! Chris!
Chris, come on, I know you out here somewhere! Chris，过来，我知道你在外面
I know he's in here somewhere. You tryin' to set a nigga up! 我知道他在附近。你在陷害黑人
Can I talk to you for a second? Right now. 我能跟你说两句吗 就现在吧
There's something really strange 有事情非常奇怪
Wyatt? Wyatt, see, Wyatt used to be my boy. Wyatt? Wyatt, 你看，他原来就跟我孩子一样
Like that was my lil' nigga, like we was like, boom, boom. 就像我亲生的黑小孩，我们一起时，杠杠的
When my dog died, that lil' nigga held me down! 我狗死了的时候，那孩子让我挺过来了
But lately, he hasn't even talked to me! Like, he won't even play with me! 但最近，他都不跟我说话了 也不跟我玩了
His little imaginary friend, Tony? 他那幻想的小朋友 Tony?
I don't think he's really... 我不觉得他真的……
Wyatt: You're crazy, Tony. ...Imaginary. （你太厉害了Tony） 真的是想象的中
Did you see that shit? 你看见这玩意了吗？
Look! You missed it! 看！错过了！
Okay, look, forget him. Becky. 好，先不管他，说Becky
There's something in that old box she carries around that's making her go crazy! 她那破盒子里，有东西让她变疯了
She sleeps with it, she eats with it, 她睡觉拿着，吃饭拿着
she even goes to the bathroom with it! 上厕所竟然也拿着！
Who takes a shit with a box in their hand? It's fuckin' weird! 谁拉屎时手上拿着个盒子，太他妈奇怪了！
And by "weird" you mean I'm a terrible mother. 你说奇怪的意思是我当妈的不称职呗
What? No. Wait. Where did you go? Hold on. Hold on a minute. 什么？不是，等下，你去哪？等会
If you were just a little bit less judgmental, 如果你别那么批判着看人
she wouldn't feel like she needs to carry her pain around in a "box"! 她怎么会那么多痛苦，再把痛苦托付在一个所谓的盒子里？
This is not about me! It is always about you, Malcolm! 这跟我没关！ 这一直跟你有关！
"You're too fat, you're a terrible parent, 你真胖，你当父母真差劲
"you like black guys 'cause they have bigger cocks!" 你喜欢黑人小伙因为他们鸡巴大！
That sounds like you! Do you see this? 这话不像我，像你说的！你看见了吗？
That's not fuckin' normal! Okay, she is just trying to get attention! 这绝对他妈的不正常 OK，她是想多得到别人关心
When she was a baby, she would cry and cry and cry all damn day in her crib 她是小孩时，能不停的哭，在摇篮里哭一整天
until finally she realized I wasn't gonna come and pick her up! 直到她发现我根本不会过来抱
If you were a parent you'd know it's called the "cry it out method," Malcolm! 你当过父母的话就懂了，这是冷落教育法
Just pick the little bitch up! 你赶紧抱抱这小兔崽吧！
She needs to learn to self-soothe. See what I'm saying? 她得自己想明白才行，看了吧，就这样
That is called parenting. Wow! Mother of the year. 这叫为人父母 哇哦，年度最佳母亲啊
Megan: Thank you. 谢谢
Malcolm: (Panting) That crazy doll keyed my car! 这个傻逼玩偶划了我的车！
somebody fucked your car up! 有人把你车毁了！
Yeah. You wouldn't know anybody with an auto body shop, would you? 你得认识几个在修车店里干活的人吧，对不？
Why, contrary to popular belief, all Mexicans don't have body shops, man. 为什么我认识，恰恰和你们想的相反，墨西哥人都没有开修车店的
What, you think we all have low riders 怎么了，你以为我们都有改装后的老爷车
with a bunch of primer all over it 带着厚厚的喷涂漆
with a frickin' Mexican horn? 再加上个搞笑的墨西哥喇叭在上面？
You think I have like six kids 你还以为我再把六个孩子
and all my relatives livin' there, huh? 还有各种亲戚都放车上，是吧？
Probably chase chihuahuas and make burritos, 可能再开车追着轧吉娃娃，吃着墨西哥卷饼
is that what you think? Dude... 你是这么想的吧？ 哥们你……
Look at the neighborhood, man! 看看这社区的层次
I didn't think any of that! 我一点也没那么想
I just want my fuckin' car fixed! 我只是想修个车
fuckin' with you, bro! 跟你扯淡呢，哥们儿！
You're so easy, man. Oh, shit. 你总是这么容易就信了 哦，我去
Man, I got a cousin, his name is chucho, he can hook all that shit up. 哥们，我确实有个表亲，叫chucho 能帮你搞定车
Stop fuckin' with the crazy bitches, man. 别再跟疯婆娘乱搞了
I gotta go, I got the family waiting. All right? Be good, man! 我得走了，亲戚等着呢，好吧，保重
Malcolm: (Gasps) Where did she go? 这玩偶哪去了
Take it easy, vato! Malcolm: Where you goin'? 放轻松，哥们儿 你去哪？
Goin' to the swap meet. We're gonna get some chihuahuas. 去个跳蚤市场，想买点吉娃娃回来
Malcolm: Wow. Now that's racist! 哇哦，真是种族歧视啊
Megan: So I moved into the house across the street 所以我们搬到对过的房子里了
and I just love it. 还特别喜欢那
The streets are so quiet. It's perfect for a haunting. 街道特别安静，闹鬼太合适了
You know something, I never got your name. 话说回来，我还不知道你名字呢
Kisha? What in the fuck! Kish？我就操了！
You two know each other? Oh. Well, yeah. 你两个认识？ 是啊
You know the boyfriend that I told you abandoned me and left me in a ditch to die? 你记得我说我男朋友吧，把我扔路边等死，他自己跑了
That's him. 就是他
Awkward! Yeah! 尴尬啊 对
I think I'll let you two have at it. 我还是让你们继续聊吧
And thank you so much, Megan, for the coffee, really. 非常感谢请我喝咖啡
And, Malcolm, it was great seeing you. 还有Malcolm，非常高兴看到你
See you around, Malcolm. 回见
Um...
Really? 真的吗？
How come you never told me about her? 你怎么从来没跟我说过她？
Well, it was just a time in my life I just wanted to forget. 那，那是一段不堪回首的日子
Okay, well you need to start remembering. She was fucking beautiful! 好吧，你得给我回首一下，她长的很好看！
She was aight. "Aight"? 她也就一般吧 一般？
I mean, she got nice legs. Legs. 我是说，腿还行 腿呗
Little ass, but... Ass. How 'bout all this? 屁股小，但…… 屁股呗，这怎么样
It's fuckable. Okay? But that's the...It's all this... 能下的去手，行吗？但是……这……那……
She's crazy! She was crazy, baby, like she was possessed! 她是个疯子，宝贝，就好像鬼上身一样！
You mean she was possessive. No, the bitch was possessed. 你是说魔鬼一样的上身？ 不是，就是被鬼上了身
What? Yes! 什么？ 没错！
First of all, she was verbally abusive. 首先，这女的说话特别狠
Eat your mother's pussy you fucking fuck! 吃饭吧 吃你妈了个逼，你个傻逼
Malcolm: Okay. 行行
I don't know. It was like she gave up. 我忘了，好像是她自暴自弃的
Eventually I was able to drag her to couples' therapy. 最后终于说服她去婚姻诊所了
Well, Dr. rousch, me and my girlfriend, rousch医生，我和我女朋友
we're kinda goin' through a little rough patch. 我们现在相处的有点困难
I mean, she won't communicate with me. 她根本不跟我交流
No matter what I do, she just sits there. 不管我做什么，她就在那没反应
Okay, and she'll growl a little bit. Yes, I can hear that. 不对，有时候哼哼几声 是啊，我听见了
And the smallest things just set her off. Like crucifixes, or questions. 还有就是一点点小事她就发作，比如十字架，问问题
Is that right, Kisha? 是这样吗，Kisha？
You got a prescription for "crazy bitch"? 你有药能治疯婆娘吗？
Malcolm, I'm so sorry. 对不起
It sounds horrible. Well, it wasn't all bad. 听着真害怕 也不全是坏事
Wait, I'm gonna come. Shut up, you sound like a bitch! 慢点，就要来了 闭嘴，你太娘们儿了
Oh! 哦！
I think you just knocked out a tooth! 你好像打掉了我一颗牙
Whose ass is this, huh? Whose ass is this? 谁的屁股这是？谁的？
The devil's! 鬼的！
See, now you just made it weird. 你看你弄的太诡异了
Look at me, God damn it! 看着我，看着我
Oh, my God, that was awesome! 啊，天哪，你这招太酷了！
Baby, you're makin' my toes do this. 宝贝，你让我的脚指头都这样了
You're makin'my toes do this. 这样
Really, Malcolm? 真的吗？
You know what they say about the crazy ones. 你知道疯子都什么样
What? Too soon? 怎么了，说的太快了？
There's something goin' on with this box. 这盒子肯定有问题
I'm gonna get to the bottom of this. 我得彻底翻一下
What the heck is this little pervert doing? 这小变态到底在他妈的干什么？
Malcolm: Ah! 啊！
Oh, dude, that is just weird! 这太诡异了！
Oh, really? (Chuckles) 真的吗？
Oh, wow. 哇哦
What kind of sweet tooth fairy is this? 这算哪门子仙子？
This nigga need a daddy. Wyatt: "Dear diary. 这孩子需要个爹地啊 亲爱的日记
"I lost my virginity to Joey today. 我童贞今天给Joey了
"Actually, that's not totally true. 其实也不完全是
"I mean, I've only had sex with 17 guys 我是说我只和17个人做过
"but only in the butt, so it doesn't count. 但是只走后门，不算数
"I mean, I've sucked a lot of dicks, diary. 还有，我吹了很多
"I stopped counting after the blowjob party at Ashley's house. 在那次Ashley家的吹吹聚会上我也没再数了
"There must've been 30 or 40 guys there." 可能有三四十吧
She ain't got no bone in her neck. She got that plastic man. 她太没骨气了吧，她还弄了那个假人
"Ps: Diary, I'll never stop sucking dicks. Ever!" 日记，我不会停的，绝不
Wow. 哇哦
Malcolm: Oh, would you look there? 看什么呢
A mood ring. So, what mood is that? 情绪变色戒指啊，现在什么情绪
It's called, "you're not my father." 是“你不是我爹”的情绪
Oh, yeah, that's bitchy lil' white teenager. 是吗，白人青少年说这种话也缺了点
See, that'll get you slapped in most black neighborhoods. 知道吗，黑人邻居听到的话基本都会扇你的
Are you okay? 你还好吗
Becky? Hey. 嘿
Malcolm: Ouch! 啊！
That is some serious meat-mouth you got goin' on there. 你嘴里长了不少肉啊
It's easier going down than it is coming up. Yeah, it's weird. 咽下去比翻上来容易多了 是啊，真奇怪
Breath smell like sirloin. 闻着像牛排
I hope that hole cold ain't contagious. 希望那的炎症别传染
Professor, it's kinda loud there. Um... 教授，有点吵啊
Did I catch you at a bad time? 这会是不是不合适说话？
Indica? I'm a sativa man. I got important shit to do! 印迪货？我是抽大路货的，这儿有正经事了！
Hold on! I'm at a party. 等会儿，我在party上
I need some of my medicine. 我得吃点药
Professor! How do I get rid of the demon? 教授，我怎么摆脱这个鬼？
Professor! Professor! 教授！
Malcolm, that demon's tryin' to get to you Malcolm，这个鬼是想通过你的家人
through your family and he's not gonna stop! 来搞你，所以他不会停手的
You've got the paranormal equivalent of 你现在是正是经历超自然事件
a perfect storm, my friend! 的最佳时机，我的朋友！
Oh, shit! The po-po! 我靠，警察！
Professor, please! What's goin' on? 考试，求你了，怎么回事啊？
I got 12 ounces of crystal meth 有12盎司的冰毒
jammed up my anus. I gotta get outta here! 塞在我屁眼里，我得撤了
Police! Oh, fuck! 警察！ 我操！
Professor! Professor, please! 教授！教授！
Hands up now! I can't go back in! 举起手来！ 我不能回去了
Professor! How do I get rid of the demon? 教授，我怎么才能驱鬼？
Oh, fuck. 妈的
You're under arrest! You on the screen, freeze! 你被捕了！你！屏幕里的，不许动！
Malcolm: Hey, knothead! 嘿，你这个混蛋！
Oh, no, not my favorite shirt. That bitch. 哦，不会吧，不要弄我最喜欢的衬衫，缺德东西
What the... 我……
Oh, my God! Are you fucking kidding me? 哦，天哪，开什么狗屁玩笑？
No, no, no! Not my clothes! No! 不要！不要烧我衣服！
Oh! Shit! 我去！
This crazy wooden bitch! She's burning my clothes! 这个木头做的傻逼，烧我衣服！
Oh, my God! It's fatal attraction. 天哪，这跟《致使诱惑》里演的一样
She's gonna boil a rabbit! She's gonna boil a rabbit! 她还会再烧一只小兔子的！
Can I get you something to drink? Sure, man. 我给你拿点喝的吧？ 行啊
Tequila? Really, bro? 龙舌兰（墨西哥土特产的酒）？ 认真的吗，哥们儿？
What, you bring the Mexican into your house 你把墨西哥人带你家里
and, "he must want Tequila, we should give him Tequila. 然后说，他肯定想喝龙舌兰，给他点
"I'm glad he parked his burro so now I can offer him some of his beverage." 他已经把骑来的小毛驴栓好了，所以可以给点酒喝了
I should've walked in here with a serape and a sombrero for you, too, huh? 我应该披着墨西哥披肩，顶着墨西哥草帽来的
That's what you wanted really, wasn't it? 你就是这么想的，是不是？
You get me all worked up, man! 你总是把我想当然了！
Look, I could use a drink now. 行吧，给我来点喝的吧
What kind of Tequila is it? Is it silver? 有什么样的龙舌兰？是银标的吗？
'Cause I can't drink that gold shit. That's for cholos. 我喝不了金标的，墨西哥农村的才喝那个
Thank you, man. It's nice, man. We're becomin' friends, right? 谢谢，你是好人，我们正在交朋友不是吗？
Uh, now we are. 是啊
I could trust you with things, right? 我能相信你吧？
I'm good at that shit. The neighbors next door to me 我特别值得信任，你看我都没跟邻居说过
don't even know there's a black guy living here yet. 有个黑人住在这
So, what do you wanna talk about? Um... 你有什么事？ 嗯……
Okay, you know the people that lived in this house before me? 你知道前房主是什么人吧？
Mmm-hmm. 嗯
Was there anything strange goin' on, like were they actin' weird or anything? 当时有什么怪事发生吗，比如他们的异常举动之类的？
You saw something a little... 你是看到了……
Spooky or supernatural? I seen some shit. 闹鬼或者超自然现象？ 我遇到不干净的东西了
Come on, man, you don't believe in that, do you? 不会吧，你不会相信有那种东西的吧？
'Cause if you did, you know, you'd have been like, 你如果真信了，你就会说
"nigger, I'm out! The deuces." 哥们，我要闪了，我认怂了
You mean to tell me you don't believe in the paranormal? 你想说的是你不相信有鬼是吗？
Of course I believe in that shit! I'm half Mexican, bro! 我当然信了，我一半血统是墨西哥的！
I believe in all that shit people don't believe in. 别人不信的我都信
Freakin' LA llorona, El cucuy, chupacabra, bigfoot, obamacare. 各式各样的，诱人狐狸精，杀人邪降术，恐怖吸血鬼，神秘大脚怪，奥巴马医改
Interracial dating. Nuclear war. 跨种族约会，核武器战争
You name it, I'm all for it. Me personally, I wouldn't stay one night in this house. 你说个你不信的，我都信。反正我在这个房子里一晚上都不敢住
Shit! Look, I'm gonna be honest with you, bro. 我跟你坦白吧
When I first found out that there was a black guy movin' in the neighborhood, 我刚发现有个黑人搬到这的时候
I was like, (Inhales) 我心想
"There goes the property value. 房价都要跟着跌了
"I'm gonna have to keep the kids inside, there's gonna be gangs, 不能让孩子出来玩了，将来有黑帮要发展过来
"I'm gonna have to cover up graffiti," but you turned out to be okay. 我肯定得清理不少乱涂乱画了 结果你这人还行
You're really cool! You're very accommodating. I think I can help you. 你这个挺耿直，还会招待人，我能帮你的忙
Really? 真的吗？
I need you to cut the chicken's neck. 我需要你斩鸡头
Oh, hell fuckin' no! You wanna get rid of the demon or not? 斩个屁！ 你到底驱不驱鬼了？
I know, but can't we just go down to the store and just like, buy a chicken? 驱啊，但不能买只鸡回来吧？
No, man! You need a blood sacrifice. 就得这样，你需要一场血祭
Right. Come here. Let's do it. 行吧，那就动手吧
Hold on! Hold up, wait a second! Let me get my shit together. 稳住！ 等下，我酝酿一下情绪
You gonna shit in my baby's cereal, chicken? 你在我宝贝吃的东西里拉屎了，死公鸡！
You wanna piss on my momma? In her face? 你还想在我妈头上撒尿是吧？
Malcolm: I'll fuck... Don't you... 我要弄死你……
Where did you get this chicken? Your Uncle's farm? 你从哪搞来的鸡？你亲戚的农家院里？
No! A cock fighting ring. 不是，斗鸡比赛里
That's a dead motherfucker. 真是只欠弄的鸡
Whassup, chicken? You scared? Whassup? 怎么了，怕了啊，你个死鸡？
You don't want none of this, motherfucker! 你想不到这样了吧，傻逼！
Miguel: Oh, shit! 我操
Miguel: Bite him back, Malcolm! Bite him back! 你也咬它，快咬它！
Drown, bitch! I'm gonna kill you. 混蛋，我要弄死你
Watch what I do to your fuckin' baby! 看看我怎么弄你的孩子！
Miguel: What you doin', man? What'd you do? 你干什么呢这是
This pollo is loco! 这人疯了
Miguel: (Laughs) You got him, Malcolm! That's right! 搞定它了，这就对了！
Yeah, you fucked that chicken. (Laughs) 没错，你弄死这只鸡了
Malcolm...
Yeah! 耶！
You about to go to that great bucket in the sky! 等你升天了给你安排个好窝！
Tell the colonel I said hi! 见了上帝给我带个好！
That was like an intense-ass game of angry birds, man! 这真像在玩暴高难度的“愤怒的小鸟”
Fuck, bro, you did it! I think this house is clean! 我操，你赢了，我觉得房子干净了
Well, maybe not clean, but the demon's gone for sure. 不对，干净不准确，鬼确实没了
What the hell are we gonna do with all this chicken, Malcolm? 鸡怎么办，Malcolm？
Oh, yeah, ask the black guy. 你问黑人就问对了
Mmm-hmm. Mmm. Hey. 嗯 好吃
Cheers. Right on! 走一个 来吧
What in the fuck? 这他妈又是什么？
You! This ends now! 你，玩完了！
You hear me, you googly-eyed wooden bitch! Come on! 你听见了，你个大眼木头傻逼，过来！
You're making me bury your fuckin' ass! 你逼我把你活埋的！
Get in there! (Grunts) 进去
Die, you stink bitch! 死吧，你这个臭傻逼！
B-I-t...
Fuckin' bitch! (Farts) 傻逼！
You want some of this? 来点这个吧
All right, prepare to meet your maker! 行吧，去见你祖宗吧！
That's right, I'm sending you back to Taiwan! 没错，你是台湾生产的，送你回台湾
You smell like piss and shit! 你闻着像茅坑！
Come on! You make me sick! 过来，你这恶心玩意
You know what brown can do for me? Take this! 你知道你这棕色人种的能干什么吗，拿着！
You sign! Get the fuck outta here! 你签字，把这个发走
Oh, see, I tried to do it the easy way. 哦，我已经想和平解决了
Now you're gonna make me violent. 你逼我用暴力的
Come on, you... Get the fuck over here! Shut up! 过来，滚过来，闭嘴！
How you like that, bitch? I want you to watch. 这样怎么样，傻逼，你看着点
Let's see you write it now! 看你还能不能捣乱了
Miss me? This is fun. 想再来吗？太好玩了
Oh, we about to have a barbecue. Get in there. 哦，来个烧烤吧，进去
Yeah! Hey, how you doin'? 嘿，干什么呢？
You gonna fuckin' burn today, baby! 今天要烧死你！
That's what fucking hell feels like! 这就是地狱的感觉！
You fuckin'... fucking die! 你死不死啊！
I will watch your life come out of you. Just die, you little... 你要看着你死，死吧……
I'll fuckin' cut your goddamn eye out, you bitch! 我要挖你双眼！
Malcolm!
What did you do to our room? 你把我们房间怎么了？
Honey, it's not what it looks like, okay? Really? 宝贝，不是你看见的这样 是吗？
It's not what it looks like. Really? 真不是这样？ 是吗？
Listen, listen to me. She's crazy! It's not me, she's crazy! 听我说，她疯了，不是我，是她疯了
You're crazy. No, honey! Megan! 你疯了 不是！
You're crazy. It's not what it looks like! 你疯了 不是你看见的这样！
Get away from me. I'm not done with you, 离我远点 我跟你没完
you fuckin' home-wrecker! 你这毁别人家庭的东西
God! 天哪！
See, nobody will listen to the black guy till everybody dead! 看见了吧，没人听黑人的话，最后都死了为止
I see how you lookin' at me. Let me tell you something. 我知道你们怎么看我，我告诉你们
This house... This house is haunted. 这房子，这房子闹鬼
You know that little doll that you like so much? Abigail? 你知道你喜欢的那个玩偶吗 女佣的那个？
Yeah, well, let me tell you something about Abigail. She's alive! 我告诉你吧，那东西是活的
That's right, she's alive! 没错，活的
Not like "alive" alive, but alive as in "is possessed." 不是说能活动，是说像被上身了一样
You know how I know? 'Cause it made me have sex with it! Repeatedly! 我都知道了，因为她逼我和她搞，不停地搞！
Upstairs, downstairs, in the kitchen, in the yard! 楼上楼下，厨房地下
While you were sleepin' next to us! 而且你还睡在旁边
Right there where you're sitting, twice! 就在那，你坐的地方，两次
And that's why, when you came upstairs and you caught me 这就是为什么你上楼看到我在
and I was killing the doll, because I was just like, 弄死这玩偶，因为
"you're fuckin' up my relationship!" 她在破坏我的恋爱
And that box? It's cursed! 还有那盒子，被诅咒过！
That box and that box. That's haunted with a demon. 这个盒子，还有那个盒子，都被缠上了
That box, cursed with dudes. But that's a whole other story. 那盒子，被渣男缠上了，那是另外一回事了
And your son, his little imaginary friend that teaches him curse words 你儿子，他的幻想小朋友教他骂街
and gets him crunk off vodka! 还让他喝白酒
Yeah, yeah, I'm blowing your spot, little man. 没错，我说穿你了，小朋友
Well, he's not so imaginary! He's cray! 就是，他也不全是幻想的 他有点疯
No, no, no. You cray! You cray-cray! 不是我，你疯！你疯！
You and your whole lot of other ethnic words that's going out of style. 你，还有你那乱用种族词汇的风格
You ain't funky fresh or dope. So, how about that, cray-cray? 一点都不时髦，也不带劲，听着什么感觉，疯疯？
Mom, he's scaring me. 妈，他吓着我了
whose room exploded? 谁出问题了？
I'm scaring you! Opie, you something else! 我吓着你？你一边去吧
You know what, that's it. I've had enough of this whole haunted house craziness! 行吧，就这样了，我受够这闹鬼房子里的疯狂劲了
It's bad enough that you think it's real, 你自己信已经够糟糕了
but now you're scaring the kids! 现在你还吓唬孩子！
I'm scaring the kids! Yes! 我吓唬孩子？ 是啊
Ain't that the pot callin' the kettle a nigga! 这难道不是猪八戒回头，倒打一耙吗？
No, no, no, baby! Your kids are scaring me! 不是这样，不是，你孩子吓着我了！
Look at this one! She's Marilyn manson in the skin 看看这个，她表面上看是亭亭玉立
and Charlie manson in the eyes! Her eyes look crazy, okay? 眼睛里却是森森战憟
That's a crazy woman carrying around a box 这个疯女人每天带着个盒子
like fuckin' Lionel from the peanuts, 就是葫芦娃头上的葫芦
and he's hangin' out with dead niggas 还有他天天和死鬼魂一起玩
and I'm crazy? Oh! So, what am I supposed to do with all this? 我疯了吗？哦，我应该怎么办？
Maybe you weren't ready! Maybe we moved in too soon. 可能你还没准备好，我们搬一起搬的太早了
Maybe you're not ready for a family! 你没准备好一家子的生活
But we come as a package deal, okay? 但我们之前都说好了，对吧？
This ain't about you or them, okay? You... 这不是因为你或者他们，你……
Oh, shit. No! Hey! Don't touch that shit! 哦，妈的，别，别碰那东西！
Don't touch it! That's a demon ring. 别碰，那是个有鬼的戒指
Don't you answer that, you hear? 别接电话，听见了吗？
That's the devil callin' right there. 这就是鬼打来了
That is an evil ring! You hear that? 这是个鬼来电，听见了吗？
Yeah, I said it, a demon ring! 是啊，我说就是鬼来电
And you can insta-tweet that on your gram-o-vine! 你就继续发微博吧！
Nobody touch it! 都别动！
Stop ringing! 别响了！
Stop ringing! Stop! 别响了！
Oh, that's a demon callin'. 这绝对是鬼打来的
Becky: Uh, Malcolm? Your pocket. 你的兜里
Huh. Oh. 嗯，哦
We gotta change my ringer. 我得把铃声换一下了
Why do we even have home phones anymore? I mean... 我们为什么还要留着座机
Yeah? Who is it? 是，谁啊
What the hell? Hey, how you doin', officer? Come on in. 什么？嗯，好吗，长官，进来吧
We got a call about a domestic dispute. 我们接电话举报家庭暴力
Are you Malcolm Johnson? 你是Malcolm Johnson吗？
Uh, yeah, that's me, but there's no dispute. 是啊，我们没打架啊
I mean, I threw the phone, but... 我是摔了电话，但……
You're under arrest. Hey! For what? 你被捕了 凭什么？
Oh, my God! Just raised my voice a little bit! 天哪，我就说话声音大了一点
Malcolm, our phone is broken. I know what... 我们电话都是坏的，我知道了
It's the doll! It's the doll! It was the doll, brother, listen! 是这个玩偶，是它，就是它，听我说
This is all a misunderstanding. 都是误会
It was this doll. I was fuckin' this doll, right? 是这个玩偶，我跟它乱搞了
He's on pcp. Let's take him. No, I'm not on pcp! 他嗑药了，带他走吧 别，我没嗑药
Malcolm: You fuckin' bitch! 你个混蛋
You fuckin' bitch! 你他妈的混蛋
You fuckin' bitch! 混蛋
Malcolm, maybe this is for the best. 可能这样也好
Can't escape my wrath, for I am death. 我死了，怒气也还在
Now you burn. Fire. 烧吧，点火
Help! 救我！
What is... 这……
Malcolm?
Mmm...
Damn, son, you look fucked up! 我去，你看着完全废了啊
Don't look at me. Don't look at me! 别看我，别看我
Mom, your man's in here pukin' like a little bitch! 妈，你男人在这吐惨了
See that shit, Tony? 看见了吗Tony
Sometimes the victim may be tormented by more than one demon. 有时候被害人不止被一只鬼折磨
These cases lead to transference. 这些事件说明了转移性
Trans-who? What the fuck is that, dog? 转什么？说什么玩意呢，老头？
Father Williams! Mind your tongue. Williams神父，注意你的言辞
You are a man of the cloth! 你也是穿神袍的人
Damn, man, ain't like I'm rapin' motherfuckers no more, 我靠，穿了又不能代表我不乱搞了
you know what I'm sayin'? 懂我意思吧
Shit. Keep on wit' your little lesson, brother. 你讲你的破课吧，哥们儿
Victims have also been known to break 受害人有时也会在被上身是
their own bones during the possession. 自己折断自己的骨头
Williams: True. That happened to me. 没错，我就这样过
I was first in prison, I was tryin' to give myself head, right? 我第一次进监狱的时候，我想办法要high起来
'Cause I ain't know nobody. 但谁也不认识
If I woulda knew somebody, I wouldn't have had to do it to myself. 如果认识人的话，就不用自己把自己搞high了
And it wasn't no gay shit. First get that out your head. 不是说搞基搞high，别这么想
That's enough! I've had enough of your insolence! 够了，你吵吵的我受够了
My what? My insolence? 我怎么了？我吵吵？
Dog, you going to bring up my condition right now? 老头，你现在要批判我的问题吗？
You gonna bring up my diabetes, dog? 是不是还要说我的糖尿病
Talkin' about my insolence. 说我高血压
'Cause I like cake? Yeah, I like cake, guys. 因为我喜欢吃蛋糕，没错
I like cake, birthday cake, all kinds of cake. 就是喜欢蛋糕，蛋糕，各种蛋糕
I'm talking about, cake, cake, cake! 蛋糕，蛋糕，蛋糕
Man, you know what? 你听着
I'm sick of your shit! 受够你的狗屁话了
Get outta here! Everybody break out. Take your boy with you. 都走开，都走，带上你们的伙伴
Yeah. I mean really, man. 你说你这是何必呢
Ooh.
Malcolm?
嘿, father Williams!
Fuck, nigga, what'd I tell you about callin' me that? 操，说了别这么叫我了
I'm sorry. Hey, Doug! 对不起，嘿，老兄
Roll down, man! 说的好，来吧
I'm sorry you caught that, man. I'm so stressed out, man. 抱歉你看见这个了，我最近压力比较大
I had to shank a muthafucka. You saw that, right? 我不得不砍人，你看见了是吧？
I didn't see nothin'. 什么也看见
That's a good answer. That's a good answer. 说的好
If you saw it... 'Cause I was gonna say 如果你看到了，我就
if you woulda said yes, I woulda... 如果你说是，我就……
That's all right, I don't have nothin'. That's the only one I had. 没事，我没家伙了，就那一把刀
I used to have two shanks, but I don't keep that anymore. 以前有两把，现在不带那么多了
I stopped doin' two shanks 不连砍两次了
'cause it just was a thang, and 因为别人老起外号
everybody was like, "two shanks." 叫我双刀老二什么的
Yeah, so, how you doin'? 怎么样最近
I, uh... I need your help. 我，需要你帮下忙
It's happenin', Doug. 又来了，兄弟
Hell no! 不会吧！
You know I'm not comin' over there 你知道我不可能再去你那
and fuckin' with you and your creepy lil' bitch again! 搞定你跟你那疯婆娘了
I ain't even with that bitch no more! 我早就不跟她一块了
I'm beggin' you, man, I just need your help. 求你了，哥们，帮我
I just don't know who else to go to. 不知道该找谁了
Let me just explain to you why I became a priest. 我跟你说一下为什么我当牧师
Now, obvious one is for the little boys. Yes. 现在主要是因为孩子，没错
What're you talkin' about? 你哪有孩子？
It's a joke, Malcolm! 跟你扯淡呢
Oh, God, no, it was a joke. I did that, you know, 就是扯淡，我老这样，你懂的
for the other priests and we laugh, that's all. 跟别的牧师也扯淡，就这么回事
But I don't know if I can help you with your demon situation 我不知道能不能帮上忙
because I haven't been stayin' steady 因为老长时间没练过
on my demon fightin' skills, is what I'm tryin' to tell you. 我的驱鬼技巧了
So Malcolm, day after day, 总有那么一天
when you know you can't win, you're just prolonging the inevitable! 你知道你赢不了，只是想坚持久一点
All you gotta do is let them in. 能做的就是让他们搞吧
Are you talkin' about the devil? 是在说鬼的事吗？
Worse. The Kardashians. 更坏的事，说卡戴珊姐妹呢
Yeah. 对
Yeah, did you see 'em? It's the crazy mama, 你知道她们吗，很疯狂的母亲
it's Kim, khloe, kourtney, crazy, the two little ones... 老大，老二，还有两个
They gonna be freaks. They got lamar, they got Scott... 她们太变态，搞了奥多姆，搞了享弗里斯
Rob, fat as a motherfucker, 还有Rob，肥的一逼
Bruce with the acne. Oh, Bruce... 还有Bruce
What the fuck is wrong with Bruce jenner face? 你看Bruce的脸
He look like a monster! 跟怪物似的
He scares me at night! And he on in daytime. 晚上能把我吓一跳，白天继续吓一跳
He don't look like the nigga that was on the wheaties box! 他长的不像代言产品包装上的照片
还有kanye!kanye! 还有julianne hough!
I love it and I hate it. They took kanye and they changed him. 我又爱又恨，他们把kanye整容了
Doug, you know... Doug... 兄弟，你懂的，
You have to let go of me, Doug. 你得放开我了
You can't... 你不能
Doug, you gotta let go of me! 放开我！
There's no place you can hide. He has a plan for you. 没地方躲的，他都计划好了
Doug, get off of me. He will get you! 放开！ 他会弄抓到你的
Doug, get your hands off me! 放开我！
What the fuck is wrong with you? 你怎么了
Oh, you're the one that got us out here in the hot heat! 就是你弄的我们太阳底下晒着的!
Making me bang all on the windows with my good church hat! 弄的我们这么好的帽子都蹭到窗户上去了
Hon, I could be at home watchin' that new madea movie! 我本来可以在家看最新的电影的
with the little girl from the fresh prince? 有Fresh Prince里那个女演员
You know the one, she played the head of NASA! With the aliens! 你知道那部电影吧，她演NASA的头儿，还有外星人
Boom! Madea goes to Mars, that's it! Madea goes to Mars，就是这部电影
ain't you that brother 你不就是那家伙吗，那个
that just moved into old Burton place? 搬到Burton原来的房子里的家伙？
Yeah, it's just... With a white woman! 是啊 和一个白种女人一起！
Well, she's not all the way white. 她也不是纯白的那种
She's a white woman, damn near clear! 但她就是白人，这点很清楚！
Come on now, it's 2013. Interracial relationships is not a big deal. 得了吧，都2013年了，跨种族没什么大不了的
What? You need to tell that to the lonely sista. 什么？你跟你孤独的女同胞们说这个吧
Look at this one right here. Right here! 看看这边就有一个，就在这
Honey, show him how you drop it like it's hot! 亲，给他展示一下你的火辣！
Whoo! Hold up, Bertha, hold up. Hold up. We ain't got no defibrillator. 用力，Bertha，用力，没法帮你通上电
They do that cungalingus, the finga-ligga-linga. 她们白人要你跪舔，一指禅
What is it, the fellatio? Malcolm: Uh... 到底要你做些什么，用嘴的？ 嗯……
That's what it is, they go deep. 就是这么回事，她们都要深的
You know they ain't got no insides. 你们都懂的，都是无底洞
I think that's my cue to go. 我觉得我该走人了
Excuse me, sistas. Have a good sermon. 抱歉，好好听神父布道
Where you goin'? 你去哪
Malcolm: Love is love. You're so bitter. Love is Love，你别这么刻薄了
Brothers be trippin'. That's why I got me a white man at home. 黑小伙们都被别人卷走了，这就是为什么我家里那口子是白人。
Yeah, girl. Woman: Vanilla my flavor. 就是这样
Hello, Malcolm.
Oh, Professor wilde, thank God. 谢天谢地，教授
I've been tryin' to reach you! 一直找不到你
I'm sorry, Malcolm, I've been a bit tied up. 对不起，有点被束缚住了
I haven't been able to find any more on aghoul, 我一直没办法找到aghoul的更多信息
though my resources are a bit limited. 因为我现在资源受了些限制
Uh, Professor? Where the hell are you? 教授，你在哪呢？
Ooh, doin' a stretch of five to 10. 哦，在做个5到10分钟的伸展运动
Apparently, the authorities frown on sellin' meth 显然官方不喜欢我制冰毒
to college students. 还卖给大学生们
Yeah, apparently. 是啊，很显然
You need to hang up 你得挂了
come over here and kiss me on my hot mouth. 过来，亲亲我这火热的嘴唇
I'm feelin' romantical. 感觉正是浪漫的时刻
Well, Malcolm, I suppose I should get going. Malcolm，我该去做事了
But I will be e-mailing you the contacts 我们给你发邮件的
of associates who'll be able to help. 告诉找谁能帮上忙
I don't mean to be pushy, but any way 我不是想催你太紧，多问一句
you could do that before you get raped? 你能在你被硬上之前发给我吗
What part of mandingo party 你怎么还不动，难道不懂
do you not understand? mandingo狂欢式的规矩吗？
It's time to power the white rabbit. 该给小白兔充电了
You know. Dirty the snow. 你懂的，白的染成黑的
Professor: Don't! That's not that bad. 别！
Lights, please. Thank you. （以下模仿《招魂》）来点光，谢谢
So after several exhausting days of the exorcism, 在疲劳的做了连续几天的法事之后
I threw some holy water on her, read an incantation 把圣水洒到她身上，加以咒语
and the demon left the woman's body. 鬼被赶出她的身体了
sat back and watched. 这么说我在旁边纯粹打了酱油是吗
I mean, I'm just the medium who puts her life in danger 其实是我使得她有生命危险
every time she reaches out to demonic forces. 让她去受魔鬼能量的冲击的
But you've got a Bible and a bottle of holy water, 但是你有圣经和圣水，对吧
so you make the world a safer place! 你让世界更安全了！
The fact is, people, is that God is real, 事实是，上帝真的存在
the devil is real, and monsters exist. 魔鬼也是真的，怪物是有的
Well... They're vicious, terrifying entities! 他们是害人又吓人的实体
But the good news is, Santa claus doesn't exist 有个好消息是，圣诞老人不是真的
so you don't have to worry about some creepy old guy 不用担心有吓人的老头子
coming down your chimney. 晚上爬你们的烟囱
So, what exactly are you guys? And who the fuck hired you? 你们到底干什么的？谁雇你们到这来的？
You can call us ned and Noreen. 你可以叫我们Ned和Noreen
See? This is why you don't hire from craigslist. 看见了吧，这就是为什么不能在同城网站上找人
Asshole! 混球
I don't understand why you always have to take the credit! 我不明白为什么你总是要抢头功！
I mean, even your name comes first on our book cover, 甚至出的书上都要把你的名字放第一个
and I am the one with a gift! It's not my fault 我才是有特殊天赋的那个 不能怨我啊
that ned comes before Noreen in alphabetical order! 我们名字是按字母表排序来的！
Is that why ned comes before Noreen in the bedroom? 是吗，那在床上你的高潮先来也是因为这个吧？
Just once I'd like you to do that thing 我只要求你做一件事
with your thumb and your forefinger. 用你拇指跟食指
Yeah, well, I would like you to do that thing with my balls and the... 我是想这么做，但是要用我的蛋和……
Hi! Hi! Can we help you? 有什么能帮忙吗？
Yes. Um, there's something horrible happening in my house. 是啊，嗯，我家发生的事很恐怖
My family doesn't realize what's going on, but I do! 但我的家人不明白这点，我明白
I'm sure that there's a rational explanation... 我肯定能找到一个合理解释的
Please! They're white! 求你了，我家人是白人！
Oh, my God! Why didn't you say that? 天哪，你怎么不早说
Yeah, you should lead with that! 是啊，你应该开头就说明
I mean, if you're black we just assume that your hauntings are 我意思是，如果是黑人，我们就会以为恐怖的事
bill collectors or racist police officers. 是指欠钱，种族歧视的警察
But 99% of all hauntings 因为99%的恐怖闹鬼事件
happen to white people, that's a fact. 是发生在白人身上了，有事实支撑
What he means to say is, of course we'll help you. 他想说的是，我们会帮忙
Thank you so much. 非常感谢
So we're here to help you people. 我们是来帮你们的
And before you get worked up, I mean "you people" as a couple. 在你们和好之前，要说明的是，我把你们当成一对的
It wasn't racist till you explained it. 你一解释才显得有种族歧视
The bad news is you have a demon in your house. 坏消息是，你家确实有鬼
Here we go again. 又来了
Okay, wait. So the house really is haunted? 就是说鬼缠上这座房子了？
Megan, it's not the house that's haunted. 不是说房子
A-ha! I knew it! I knew it! It's always the little white girl. 啊哈，我就知道，缠的一直是白人女孩
Think about it. The exorcist, the last exorcism, 想想吧，《驱魔人》《驱魔人2》
the exorcism of Emily rose. All white girls. 《再见驱魔人》，主角都是白人女孩
'Cause there ain't no black parents gonna have 因为没有黑人父母
no little white girl talkin' like that. 会让白人女孩那样说话的
"Bitch, who are you? Who're you cursin' at? 娘们儿，你是谁，你诅咒的谁
"And turn the fuckin' air down in here!" 把这搅的天翻地覆
Malcolm, Malcolm, just listen for a second. Yes. Malcolm, Malcolm, 听我说 好
When we first met you, there was something attached to you. 我第一次看到你的时候，你身上就有东西
Oh, that was a hemorrhoid. That was... it's good now. 哦，是说有痔疮吧，那个，现在没事了
This dark entity has attached itself to him 这个黑暗的东西是附在他身上的
and now it's feeding off of all of you. 现在却从你们所有人身上吸阳气
So what you're saying is that this is all Malcolm's fault. 那你就是说都是他的错了
That's right. Your family could've left here at 是的，你一家子本来可以搬走
any time, but now you're stuck. 但现在被困住了
Like a piece of toilet paper 就像一块卫生纸
stuck on your shoe when you leave the bathroom. 在你离开厕所时粘在鞋底上
And your wife knew the whole time, but she didn't tell you 你老婆看的很清楚，但就是不告诉你
because she wanted you to walk around and look like an idiot. 因为她就想让你这么走路，像傻逼一样
Oh, get over it! I'm not the one who had an affair 你有完没完了，我不是出轨的那个
with some low-rent palm reader from akron! 跟一个那么差劲的人
And you never would've known if you weren't a psychic! 但你如果不是有通灵的能力的话根本不可能知道
But I am psychic, ned! 但我就是有这能力
Both: Oh! Ow.
Shit! What is that for? 这是为什么
What you'll be thinking about doing to Megan in two seconds. 让你两秒钟内想到对Megan做什么，你会怎么想
"Thinking about doing to Megan?" One, two, see? 想想做什么，一，二，看见了吗
Uh, guys, we came on short notice. 嗯，我们来的太着急
We may need an extra pair of hands. 现在需要其它帮手
Anyone you trust to help? 有没有可信任的人
I know a guy. He's Mexican. 我知道一个，是个墨西哥人
Megan, let's go to your contacts. Megan，说说你认识的人吧
Hey, nice camera. Right? 摄像机不错 不错吧
I take it your third cousin owns electronics shops. 我估计你有个表兄是开电子产品商店的吧
Eh, somethin' like that. He sells them out of the back of his truck. 有个差不多的，他开个卡车到处停下来卖
It's a mobile operation. Let me know if you want one. 这是移动商务。你想要什么告诉我
Hey, ned, something weird. 嘿，有情况
All these clocks stop at 3:27 when the hauntings happen. 所有的钟表在闹鬼时都停在了3：27
Normally, it's 3:07. Nope, we're on cp time. 一般应该是3:07才对，不对，我们用的太平洋时间
The demon will manifest itself in many ways. 鬼会有多种方式显灵
To your son, it's his imaginary friend. 对你儿子，就是幻想小朋友
To your daughter it's the voice inside the box. 对你女儿，就是盒子里的声音
For Malcolm it's that sexy little doll Abigail. 对Malcolm，就是那个性感的女佣玩偶
See? It's a manifestation! You think I'd bang a doll for no reason? 看，这是鬼弄的，你以为平白无故我会跟一个玩偶搞吗
Malcolm! Shut up. What we're about to do 闭嘴，我们要做的第一步
is the first step in banishing the demon to the netherworld. 是把鬼赶回阴间
Oh, what is that? 那是什么
This helps me communicate with the demon. 这个可以用来跟鬼对话
Organic, hydroponically grown og kush. 有机的，无土栽培的，大烟
Very strong. 很呛
This is some good shit. 真他妈是好东西
Well, pass the mask, shit. 给我也试试，我去
Noreen: We grow it ourselves. 我们自己种的
Ned: High water bill. 交了多少水费啊
That's that shit right there! 真他妈的好东西啊
Let me get another hit. I'm goin' to the further. 再给我来一口，我这次吸深点
Tony, where are you? Tony，你在哪
Smells like that og kush. 闻着像大烟
Wyatt: Mom! 妈
怎么了 Becky!
Cool! Wyatt, get upstairs! 别激动 Wyatt，快上楼
Malcolm: Wyatt, come on! Demon: Fuck you, you bitch! Wyatt过来 操你妈的！
Why are you tying my baby to a chair? 为什么把我孩子绑椅子上
Because the bitch got a demon in her! 因为有鬼在她身上
Becky: Make it stop! 快住手
This is some scary cucuy shit right here, man. 这是cucuy在起作用啊
I don't know who cucuy is. 没听说过cucuy
A cucuy is a ghetto Mexican bogeyman. cucuy是一种墨西哥妖怪
Oh, like George Lopez. 像乔治洛佩兹
I agree, it is scary as fuck. 同意，非常可怕
This spirit is more powerful than I thought. 这鬼魂的能量比我想的大
We're gonna need to get a priest and perform a real exorcism. 需要一个牧师来一次真正的法事
I know a guy! He's a little unconventional. 我认识一个，不过他有点不按常理出牌
I don't know, Malcolm. 不是很明白啊
I know, that bitch don't look right. 我知道，这娘们看着不对劲
No, why you gotta call her a bitch? 你怎么能叫她娘们儿
You disrespecting the little ho. 太不尊重这婊子了
Nigga, did you just sell me out? 黑鬼，你是不是要背后捅我刀子？
There's certain words that trigger white folk. 有一些词马上刺激到白人女子
I mean, bitch, ho, slut. No offense. 比如，娘们儿，婊子，荡妇，不是说你
You can't say those words. That's like our... 你不能说那些词，相当于说你们黑鬼……
Hey! 嘿
What the hell are you talking about? 说什么呢！
Are you out your damn mind? 你他妈的吃错药了吧
We would never say that. 我们绝对不会说那词的
Oh, we would behind closed doors. 关上门时会说
I mean, I wouldn't say it in a bus or a waffle house. 我是说在公交上或者饭店不会说的
or in the parking lot of a kfc, but, yeah, I would say it. 在肯德基停车场时，可能会说的
Hey, I ain't your boy... I got your back. 你活腻了吗?
This is a lovely scarf you're wearing. 你这围巾真不错
It's a sash, you know what I'm sayin'? 这是条肩带，懂吗？
I'm selling these. This a part of my new clothing line, 我现在正卖这个呢，是我制衣厂的货
"Jesus pieces," and I got, like, 品牌叫耶稣配件，有各种
the shoe that the pope be wearin'. 教皇同款的神鞋
In leather, suede, in green, brown, and the pope hats! 有皮的，布的，绿的棕的，还有同款帽子
I can't keep that shit, you know niggers love big hats. 我戴不了那破帽子，你知道黑哥们喜欢大帽子
Okay, you know what, that's enough. Thank you so much. 行了，打住吧，谢谢
That's right. Can we help my daughter, please? 能帮我女儿了吗
Hell, she went really white girl on me. 还真是要给我个纯种的白人姑娘啊
"Oh, my God!" I was like, "whoa." 哦，天哪，我想表达的是，喔！
Speaking of white... Are you doin' cocaine again? 说到白…… 你还吸白粉吗
Cocaine? No, man, this stuff's Molly! 白粉？不是，这是一种糖
All: Oh! Can I try? 哦！ 我能试试吗
It's all good. Noreen: Oh, wow. 没问题，嗯，好
I'm gonna take a little pinch for later. 事后我也要点
He's just bringing drugs? 他是带毒品来了吗？
It's Molly. Wrap it up! 是糖，收起来！
Yeah, I'm sorry. I told you he was unconventional. 对不起，我说过了，他不按常理出牌
All right. 好了
Hey, chill. Calm down, man. 别动，冷静，各位
Doug! Doug! Doug! Whoa. 兄弟！兄弟！
Y'all some crazy ass motherfuckers. 你们都疯的跟二逼一样
Y'all thought I was gonna shoot this bitch? 以为我真的要开枪打她吗？
I'm just gonna pistol-whip her until she weakens. 只是想在她醒过来时用枪把砸
You're not pistol-whipping my daughter! 你不能砸我女儿！
He know's what he's doing. The man is a genius. 他知道他在做什么，他是个天才
In the name of the father and the holy ghost... 以父之名，苍天……
I need three other white people. 我需要另外3个白人的名字
Peyton Manning!
Peyton Manning, kristen Stewart.
Paula deen!
Where's Doug? I can't find his black ass in this dark! Doug哪去了？黑灯瞎火的找不到黑人啊
Miguel: Where the hell is he? 他去哪了
Like a forest creature in a cartoon. Father Doug! 我们这么黑像动画片里的暗黑系啊 Doug神父！
He's over here! He's over here! 在这呢
Doug! Nigga, please, don't. Doug，不要
Megan: Father, please don't! 不要
No, wait! It's better if he points the gun at himself and not at us. 不对，等会，他用枪指着自己比指着我们好多了
Just talk to him, Malcolm. 你劝劝他，Malcolm
Listen to my voice, okay, Doug? Listen to my voice. 听我说，听我说
This is not what niggas do! We don't do suicide! 黑哥们不干这么，我们不会自杀的
Murder, yes! Suicide? That's what they do. 谋杀，可以有，自杀？这是白人才有的
Yeah, we do that. I've tried at least 20 times. 是啊，我们有这个，我试过20次至少
Motherfucker got me acting all crazy, actin' the fool! 妈了个逼的这东西让我像疯子像傻子
You know damn well I wouldn't peel my own cap! 你知道，我怎么会自绝于人民
I can't stop it! I can't stop it! Man, it keeps... 我停不下来，停不下来
There's somethin' in my head that's tellin' me to blow off my head. 我脑子里有东西在让我爆自己头
Is it in here? Is it in there? 那东西在这吗？还是在那？
No, no, no! Yeah, up there! 不，不，在上面
Demon break. Who wants a mojito? 间歇鬼休息，谁来点喝的
Oh, the black guy's still got a gun. 哦，这黑家伙还拿着枪呢
Oh, God! This demon is a son of a bitch, man! 哦，上帝，这鬼太操蛋了
Father, why have you abandoned me? 父啊，为什么要抛弃我
Is it because I cuss a lot, even during prayer? 因为我骂你太多了吗，甚至祷告的时候也骂？
"Amen, motherfucker," sounds dope. 阿门，傻逼，这听着挺酷的啊
Is it because... 还是因为……
I don't get Ryan seacrest. I don't get him. 我没惹Ryan seacrest，没惹他
I know what it is, 'cause I dressed up as a foreclosure sign 我知道了，因为我总在别人被赶出贷款房子时
when people was getting kicked out of their house. 穿起房管所人的制服了
On Halloween I just stood in the yard. 在万圣节时，我就直接站在院子里
I knew it was wrong, but it was funny to me. 我知道我在那吓人不会，但我觉得很好玩
Out of all of the people on the Brady bunch, 《脱线家庭》里的所有演员
it was Alice that I wanted to fuck. 我最想干的是Alice
In the station wagon, on top of Mr. Brady's architect desk. 在车上，在Brady的桌子上
Just used it for protractors and rulers. 为了用上他的尺子
Is it because I actually kinda thought 还是因为我有点支持
that it was okay that Chris brown hit Rihanna? Chris brown是可以打蕾哈娜的？
I know that bitch hit him first, man! She talk too much shit! 我知道那娘们先动的手，她平时就话太多！
She an island girl. "What you doin', Chris? 她是住岛上的，说话这样，“嘛呢”，Chris？
"Where you goin'? Who's this bitch talkin' "about Chris?" 走哪儿啊，提到你的名字的这人谁啊
Shut the fuck up, bitch! 闭嘴吧，二逼
Somebody help me. 快来帮忙啊
Malcolm: Doug! Fight it, Doug! Doug，坚持！
No! Nigga, that's a bigass gun! That's gonna hurt, nigga. 不行啊，这么大的枪，很疼的
Malcolm, he has a message for you. Malcolm，那东西要给你带句话
He says... 他说
"Hi, bitch." 你个傻逼
Megan: Oh, my God! No!
We're gonna need another priest! It's too late. 我们缺了个牧师了 来不及找了
I have to perform the exorcism. 我得来驱鬼了
It's true. 没错
Although ned's only formal training was at 虽然Ned只是在1988年的一个
ghostbusters summer camp back in 1988. 抓鬼夏令营里接受过正规培训
Never cross the streams. Never cross them. 从来没成功过 从来没有
And he is dumb! 他零点是笨
I mean, dumb, dumb, dumb! 笨，笨，笨
The point is, you can do this! 关键是你能行
Do you remember what you said to me on our wedding night? 你记得洞房夜你和我说什么了吗
"I have whiskey dick and I'll make it up to you in the morning." 喝多了硬不了，明天早上再来
No! You said God brought us together for a reason. 不是！你说上天是有意安排我们在一起的
That doesn't sound like me. Must've been really drunk. 不像我说的话啊，看来那天喝太多了
Just fucking do it, dummy! Okay. 赶紧去吧，傻子 好的
Becky! Did it work? 管用了吗？
Becky: Please help me. I'm sorry for everything! 救救我吧，我为所有事道歉
Miguel: I think you did it! 我觉得你成功了
Ned: Full inversion. We got a full inversion. 完全倒立，我们遇到了完全倒立
Oh, fuck! 我操
Megan: Oh, my God! 天哪
Time to die! 去死吧
It was him! It was him! 他干的，是他干的
No, don't do me like that! 别这么对我啊！
It actually was him. 其实是他干的
Miguel: Better him than me. 最好找他别找我
Noreen: That looked like it hurt, shit. 看着真疼啊
Whoo! Now, that's what you call a blowjob. 哇喔，这就是所说的口活啊
A leaf blower? 吹叶机？
Don't judge me. Megan: Malcolm! 别瞧不起我
Demon, you leave our daughter alone! 鬼！离开我女儿！
That's not your daughter anymore! 这已经不是你女儿了
I didn't mean like a daughter-daughter... 我不是真的说是我女儿，就是说说……
I was just saying that...Seriously? Malcolm, help her! 你瞎说什么！去救她！
Okay. God damn it! 行吧，真他妈的
Go get 'em, buddy. 抓住他们，兄弟
Wyatt, are you okay? Wyatt，你怎么样
Yeah, but Becky? 我很好，Becky她
She looks pretty fucked up. 她看着要完蛋了
How about you leave, and we'll pretend none of this ever happened? 鬼啊，跟你商量个事，你走开，我们假装什么事也没有过
The bitch is mine! 这肉身是我的！
You heard the man, the bitch is his. I tried. 你听见了，肉身是他的，我问过了
Seriously? 真的吗？
She said the bitch is his. That's pretty emphatic. 他说是肉身是他的，语气很强硬
Malcolm, please help me. I'm so sorry. Malcolm，救我，之前对不起
Becky will rot in hell! Becky会烂在地狱里
Okay, which one is it? Go rot in hell or you want me to help you? 到底哪个是真的，烂在地狱里还是救你
Malcolm, help her! 救她！
The bitch is confusing me! 这家伙让人摸不透啊！
Okay. Demon, you leave her alone! You take me instead! 好吧，鬼，你放开她，冲我来
Deal. 成交
Wait, no, no, no. Here, take him instead! 等下，不要，不要，这边，冲他来
I haven't heard a demon scream for a while. 很久没听见鬼叫了
I think it's safe to go back up there. 我觉得上面安全了
I still have a bad feeling. 我预感还很糟糕
For God's sake, come on, guys! 你看看你们，走吧！
Come on! All right. 走！好
Oh, my God! Wyatt, get upstairs right now! 天哪，Wyatt，上楼去！
Ned: They're cuddling! The demon's gone! 他们抱着呢，鬼没了
I did it! This house is clean! 我干成了，房子没事了
Look at his eyes! They're rolling to the back of his head! 看他的眼，白眼要翻到后脑勺上去了！
That's the face that he makes when he has an orgasm. 这眼睛就是他高潮来了的样子
I think he's okay, you guys. 我觉得他没事
This is not over. 还没结束
Ned: Are you guys watching this? 你们在看吗
Yes, we're watching it, dummy! 在看啊，傻子
I'm so intrigued by this. 太神奇了
Miguel: Oh, man! He's all twisted up like a chocolate pretzel! 靠，全扭曲了，跟麻花似的
Such flexibility and the dexterity! 这柔韧性和灵活度
Oh, my God. This is making me queasy! 天哪，看的想吐啊
It's like he could suck his own dick. 看起来他都能自己舔自己了
I don't wanna suck my... Please help me! 我不想舔自己，帮忙
If I could do that, I don't think I'd ever talk to you again. 如果我能舔到，我就再也不会理你了
Stop it, you unholy demon! 住口，你这个猥琐的鬼！
Oh! Oh! That is greasy shit! Probably Murray's. 真的是屎啊 可能是Murray的
The power of Christ compels you! 耶稣的力量压迫你！
like bum piss! 像尿！
That means it's working! 说明有作用！
Pour the whole thing, like I just won the super bowl! 全都泼出去，就像夺冠庆祝一样
Go! Oh, my God.
Megan: Are you crazy? 你疯了吗
Is that all you got, bitch? 你就这本事了是吗
Oh!
Wait, guys! Stop! Everybody, stop! 都住手
Malcolm, are you okay? 你怎么样
No, I think I'm gonna be sick. 我觉得我要吐了
What? Hold up. 什么？坚持住
Noreen: Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, my God, I can't... 看不了了……
Oh.
Puking like a runway model. 吐得跟超模减肥似的
I'm good. I'm good. Megan: Are you done? 我很好 吐完了吗
You're gonna want to febreze all of this. 你们得来点空气清新剂吧
You're gonna wanna just clean this. 还得清理所有这些
I feel so much better now. 感觉好多了
Whoo!
All: Oh!
Can't be too sure. Oh, shit. 不能完全确定啊
I gotta get the hell outta here. 我得走了
Once they see a black guy in a pool of blood, 如果警察看见有个黑人倒在血泊里，
you know who they're gonna come after next. 你们知道他们会先来找谁
I gotta go. Hey, watch out! 我走了，你们保重
Now this place is clean. 现在这地方彻底没事了
It sounded better when I said it. 这句词我说的更好听
Get the box. 拿盒子来
Thank you guys so much. 非常感谢
No need to thank us. We're happy to help. 不用谢，我们很乐意
Come on, ned. 走吧，ned
And we'll just take Abigail with us as well, for safekeeping. 我把这玩偶带走了，为了安全起见
Yeah, I know what you plan on doing with that doll. 我懂，我知道你要干什么
What? No, I'm a professional. She's a freak bitch. 什么？我是专业的 她是个祸害
Stop it. Trust me. 不可能 相信我
Hey. How come Noreen ain't pickin' up on the vibes? 嘿，为什么Noreen不试试用器具
You know how when you're trying to last longer, 你知道当你想坚持更久时
you think about baseball? Mmm-hmm. 就想想棒球 嗯
It's kind of like that. Throws a haze in their head. 相同的道理，不想棒球，想像一片漆黑
It's the only way to survive when you're married to a psychic. 这是娶了能通灵的人后唯一的存活方式
Come on, ned. I know you're thinking about fucking that doll. 走吧，ned，我知道你想跟这个玩偶搞
Hey, hey, hey.
You've had enough. Bye, doll. 你已经做的够多了 再见，玩偶
It's so nice being able to just relax on the couch 终于能在沙发上放松了，太好了
and watch the bachelorette. Yeah. 还看着电视 是啊
Huh?
You didn't hear that? 没听到吗
What? 什么
My nigga senses is tinglin'. It's like my spidey senses. 我的黑人感觉来了，这感觉是我的特殊技能
Oh, would you hush? It is fine! 你安静点行吗，什么事也没有
My white senses say we're fine. 我的白人感觉说没事
Everything's okay. It's over. 都没事，结束了
Okay? It's over. 好，结束了
Okay, okay. I'm trippin'. That's right. 行，行
You already know how it's going down, motherfuckers, all right? 你已经知道这的情况了吧？
I looked on my dora the explorer app, 我从手机上查到了
this the motherfuckin' correct address. 那二逼的地址就是这
This ain't a drive-by, homie, okay? This a walk-in, homie. 这不是路过，是要走进
So ain't no escape plan! My cousin is in here, cuz! 所以根本没有逃脱计划，我表弟在这呢
Y'all ready? 准备好了吗
Hey, yo, Malcolm! Whassup, my niggie? I'm here, cuz! 怎么样了，兄弟，我来了
Ray: Oh, shit! 我操
are you doin', man? I gotta run for it! 你怎么了，吓的我都跑了
This is bullshit! Oh, my God! I'm scared as fuck! 瞎搞，吓出屎了
I'm good, dog.Let me get my motherfuckin' bearings together, homie. 没事了，让我酝酿一下力量
let's go up in there, cuz. 进去吧
It smell like dead ass, 闻着像死人
baloney and sweat socks up in there, homie. 腊肠，还有臭袜子
It smell like honey boo boo's boo-boo, homie! 闻着像臭豆腐没了豆腐
Malcolm?
Where you at, cuz? 在哪呢
Ain't nobody in here, cuz. 有人吗
Oh, shit! Megan got fucked up! 我操，Megan完蛋了
Head twisted all backwards, niggie. 头完全扭过来了
Now, upon further examination, my niggie, 根据观察
this white bitch smell like she been dead about a week, maybe two. 这个白娘们闻着死了一星期了，可能两星期
I watch Dexter, niggie, CSI: New York, love & hip hop: Atlanta. 我看过犯罪现场调查，识骨追踪
Don't nobody get killed on there, but they need to, my nigga. 那里面每集都有人死，必须得有人死
Stevie j., you know what I'm sayin'? 你懂吗
This bitch smell like poverty, cuz! 这女的闻着像要饭的
Yah! Taekwondo! Oh, shit!
They done killed the little mini white bitch, too, cuz! 他们还把迷你版的白人娘们儿给杀了
Fuck happened down here, cuz? 发生什么事了
Hello?
Oh, shit! There's another dead body, cuz. 我去，又一个尸体
Who the fuck is it, though, huh? Who the fuck is it? 这他妈是谁
Oh, God, it's Malcolm! 天哪，是Malcolm
kill my cuz, cuz! 杀了我兄弟！
It's like boyz n the hood, he's supposed to go to college! 这就像新闻故事里的，他本来要去上大学的
Why the fuck they let doughboy live and Ricky dead? 为什么让好人死而让坏人活
Doughboy was the evil nigga, cuz! 有那么多坏人！
Oh!
I can't believe this! 不敢相信！
See if the nigga got some money, though. 看看这黑哥们身上有钱吗
What you hit me for, brah? 打我干什么
You know better than to be poppin' up on me like that, cuz! 你这么了解我，有东西突然这么蹿出来
You get knocked out every motherfuckin' time, homie. 每次都得被我打惨
World star! World star! 超级明星！超级明星！
Malcolm: (Groans) You hit me with a brick! 你用板砖拍的我！
Where's my family? Are they okay? 我家里人还好吗
Nigga, they dead as fuck! 死的不能再死了
All of them? Even the little boy? 全死了？小男孩也是？
He's on the back of a motherfuckin' milk carton, niggie! 他躲在一个不知道什么的地方了
Good. He may have lived. 好，那可能他还活着
Kisha在哪?
Nigga, I don't know where the fuck Kisha is at, cuz! 我哪知道
Shh! Shh! She did this shit! 小声点，是她干的
The white girl's neck, snapped it back. 那白妞的脖子？扭翻了
Kisha did that shit? Kisha干的？
Nigga, that bitch is gangsta, cuz! 那娘们儿是道上的
Shh! I came down to the basement on some creep shit, like... 我到地下室来是躲脏东西的
I was just sittin' here waitin' for this bitch, like, "nigga, what?" 我就在这，等着那娘们儿，要干嘛
"Bitch, you want some of this?" 娘们儿，你要尝尝这个吗
So I'm gonna sit here incog-negro 所以我就坐这
up under this blanket like, nigga, like what. 盖着这块布
Let my sneakers be all, so she be like, "that nigga dead." 把脸盖上，就好像说“这家伙已经死了”
The throat, like, "bitch, you want some of this?" 其实是说“想尝尝我的厉害吗”
You can't kill me! I'm like a roach! I don't die, I multiply! 你杀不了我，我像小强一样，我不会死，能再生！
I got God on my side, bitch! 上帝和我一起
Twinkle, twinkle little star
she's right behind me, isn't she? 她就在我后面是吗？
How I wonder...